How to Be Present when You Aren’t There: Virtual Visitation Brings You Closer

Making sure you’re giving your children enough quality face time is difficult enough when you’re a parent living in the same home, but if you’re parenting from a distance, the challenge is even greater.  And, for children longing for the presence of a parent who is geographically too far to see live on a daily basis, the absence can be distressing.   While the ideal way to spend time with your child is in the physical realm, the realities of life, such as job relocations, marriage to a spouse living in another location, or the need to move to an area with a stronger support network, can all put significant physical distance between you and your child.  But, that doesn’t have to mean that emotional distance grows, too.  If you can’t beam yourself there, virtual visitation/parenting time is a great way to stay connected.

With the availability of free video chat services like Skype and GoogleTalk with video chat, for the cost of a video cam, you can hear and see your children from anywhere you can get an internet connection.  No, it’s not the same as being there, and it isn’t intended to replace live visits or justify moving away; but it is a simple, inexpensive way to move past the limitations of email, telephone and instant messaging to create a stronger and more consistent connection with your child.

What You Need to Get Started

In addition to a co-parent who is willing to support and facilitate the visits, the other ingredients for a complete set-up are:

• Computer 
• High-speed internet or broadband connection
• Webcam
• Headset/Microphone
• Video chat software

Services to Consider

There are several options for video chatting.  Here are a few worth considering:

Etendi Bridge (www.etendi.com)—This is a new service developed specifically for distance parenting.  In addition to video chat, Entendi Bridge includes games and an interactive whiteboard where you and your child can share in the fun.  There’s also a shared calendar.  And, you can leave recorded “Thinking of You” messages.  This is a subscription-based service, but they offer a free trial.

Gmail Voice and Video Chat(www.gmail.com/videochat)—All you need to get started with voice and video chat is a Gmail account from Google.  You’ll have to download the plug-in which only takes minutes.  From there, you can use instant messaging, voice-only or video to communicate with your child.  It’s simple, and even better…it’s free!

Skype (www.skype.com)–Skype is another free service that allows you to IM, talk or make video calls.  Their premium subscription service also allows you to call out to a land lines all over the world for a low monthly fee.  So, if you’re separated by oceans, or travel internationally, this might be a great option to give your kids phone access to you wherever you are.

While virtual visitation isn’t the only way to stay connected to your child when you can’t be with him or her, it is one of the richest ways to communicate in real-time. An excellent online resource for more information about this topic is The Virtual Visitation Portal, whose mission includes providing education and information about virtual visitation and how it can help parents stay in touch with their children. If you aren’t already doing it, consider talking to your co-parent about ways to incorporate this tool into your parenting plan.

Drop a comment below to share your thoughts and tips about distance parenting and virtual visitation. 

WeParent is a community of parents and parent advisers striving to give our children one of the keys to a happy, healthy and fulfilled life…strong families. We are on a mission to support and uplift African-American mothers and fathers, like us, who are living apart but parenting TOGETHER.

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