Where the Bleep Are We Going?

**WARNING**:  Contains OFFICIAL WeParent CHALLENGE.  Read with courage.

I remember when I was a wee one, my grandfather would load my sister and me into the ginormous and very green Delta ’88 and take us for a ride.  A playful man, he’d get us over into some far-off part of Cleveland and then tell the two of us, barely tall enough to even see out the window let alone to know our lefts from our rights consistently, to tell him how to get home.   It could have been a game gone horribly wrong, except that he knew where we were going.  And, even though he had the high integrity to actually follow our directions most of the time, somehow we still arrived at our destination every time.

The moral:  Knowing where you’re headed, where you want to go will take you a long way to getting there, even when the directions aren’t clear and the ride is a little bumpy…or you’re courageous enough to let a pre-schooler and a toddler lead the way.

Co-parenting and parenting itself isn’t a whole lot different from those rides if I try really hard to craft a clever metaphor. We’re pulled in so many different directions between playing Mommy, Daddy, grown-up, parenting partner, parenting soloist and whatever other roles we own, that it’s often difficult to know which way to go.  Everyday, every moment, we are in the process of making choices, and Lord only knows if we’ve got our lefts and rights sorted out this time. At least in my little hurry-scurry-get-it-done-get-us-there parentdom, it’s questionable.

For some of us, I think that what makes the ride much less enjoyable than the Green Machine roadtrips I remember is that we really don’t know where we’re going.  We haven’t stopped long enough to get the vision clear.  We don’t really know what “home” is much less have a good sense of how to get there from here.

Having a family vision statement, a “destination”, if you will, for our families and for our parenting relationships can help.   It can serve as a guide for our decisions about which way to turn, what to do now, what to do next for us and for our children.  Whether we’re parenting alone or doing the co-parenting dance, the process of talking aloud with our children, with their other parent about what we want; learning what is important to them; figuring out how to blend it all together; and then crafting that into a conscious, collaborative vision that everyone can own, can put purpose back at the center of our families.  It can give us a place to find our way back to when we are lost.

Perhaps married parents do this all the time.  I wouldn’t know.  Haven’t been there.  But, I’ll wager the family townhouse that most of us haven’t.  I’ll go so far as to guess that most haven’t even considered it. 

Well, this post is all about challenging you to change that.  (Very OFFICIAL WeParent CHALLENGE begins here.)  If you don’t have one already and if, like me and mine, you and yours could stand a little help getting your bearings straight every now and again, I challenge you to try this.  Just try it.  Sit down with your family, with your co-parent, with yourself and talk about the ideal picture of your family.  Discuss your values and consider which ones you can all embrace.  Understand what makes each of you feel joy, satisfaction.  Then, write it down, refine it…and own it.

Anyone game for the challenge and/or willing to share their family vision statements, meet me in the WeParent Challenge Forum on WeParent Connect.

So…Does your family have a vision or mission statement already?  What impact has it had?  Will you share some tips with us?  If not, will you take on this WeParent Challenge and write one with your family?

Talibah Mbonisi, founder of WeParent, is a Marketer by trade, a problem solver by nature and a mother by grace. She is also an unmarried co-parent navigating the path that will lead to a happy, healthy son, and a fulfilled, balanced Mama and Daddy.

Read more articles by Talibah Mbonisi