Facilitating a Co-Parenting Revolution

Be sure to check out CoParenting101.org‘s interview with WeParent founder, Talibah Mbonisi.  

Here’s an exercept:

CoParenting101.org had a wonderful opportunity to chat with Talibah shortly before WeParent’s official March 4th launch. Here are some other highlights from our conversation…

Talibah: I’ve said this to myself and to other mothers I know: You cannot have a child with someone after three months of knowing him, and then be mad when he turns out not to be your Prince Charming.  Well, you can, but the truth is,  we made choices, and somewhere along the way we have to own those choices,  shed our victim and claim our power.  That is my mantra to myself these days, and it has made a difference in my co-parenting relationship.

CoPa101: Some people can rise to the occasion of parenthood; others can’t or won’t.

Talibah: Very true.  You can stand between your child and serious harm, but you can’t shield him completely from the reality of who his father is.  Some people just aren’t going to be our vision of perfect parents.  But they may still have some purpose in their children’s lives, and we have to learn to be ok with that sometimes.

CoPa101:  We can’t confuse our hurt and pain and our disappointment in this person with the disappointment our kids may–or may not–feel.   Healing is so vital. We have to heal ourselves post-break-up for all the obvious reasons, but one really important reason is that we have to model healing and wholeness and cooperation for our children.

But let’s be frank: When someone has hurt you or disappointed you,  sometimes you want to do immature things, nasty things.   “I want you to hurt, because you hurt me.  And I don’t want you to be happy, because I’m not.  So, let me undermine your happy relationship with the kids.”  You want to get in your jabs,  but as a way of life, and in front of the kids and using the kids–that’s bad stuff.

Talibah: Pain will take you there, and many of us just don’t know how to allow ourselves to feel that pain but to also recognize it and move past it as part of the healing process.  We don’t have good ways to get those feelings out, except through our children and through drama.  And too often, our girlfriends (or guy friends) don’t call us on this behavior.

Read the entire interview

WeParent is a community of parents and parent advisers striving to give our children one of the keys to a happy, healthy and fulfilled life…strong families. We are on a mission to support and uplift African-American mothers and fathers, like us, who are living apart but parenting TOGETHER.

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