Real Families–“This is how I was raised”: Olivia’s Co-Parenting Story

This interview is cross-posted from one of our fave co-parenting sites, CoParenting101, home of WeParent expert panelist Deesha Philyaw.   Here’s what Deesha has to say about her chat with co-parenting mom, Olivia, and an excerpt from the interview:

I (Deesha) met Olivia about four years ago, through a mutual friend.  I knew this bright, witty woman was a mom, but only just this past month did I learn that she is also a co-parent.  I sat down with Olivia recently to talk about her co-parenting experiences, straight no chaser:

How long have you been co-parenting?

Khailil is 7 now.  His dad, Jabari, and I split up when he was almost one.  We moved back to my hometown from Seattle, and about a year later, Jabari relocated here from Seattle as well.

What led you to move back?

I was being selfish, thinking about myself and my son.  Jabari and I became distant, things just weren’t working out, and I had no support in Seattle.  I wanted Khailil to grow up amongst a close-knit family, as I did.

How did you and Jabari decide to co-parent?

Once Jabari moved here, Khailil began spending a couple of nights with him each week, plus every other weekend.  We never went to court, never even thought about court.  And we’ve never fought about money.  He sends a check each month, and when his sales commissions are cut, we reduce child support.  We made a pact to never use Khailil as a tool.  We focus on his needs.

Deesha Philyaw is a Pittsburgh-based freelance writer whose publication credits include Essence, Bitch, and Wondertime magazines, and The Washington Post. In addition to freelancing and teaching, Deesha is the co-founder, along with her ex-husband, of CoParenting101.org, a resource for parents striving to raise their children together, cooperatively, after divorce or separation.

Read more articles by Deesha Philyaw