Comments on: Battling Over Bitty Briefs…Ah, Co-Parenting

By: Donna

Donna — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 16:39:54 +0000

Thanks so much. At this time son is still having to pay child support but ex also asks him to buy lots of extras plus he chooses to buy clothes to keep at his house. (I guess he could just choose not to buy any). He was buying them anyway but he never got them back if he sent her home in them. He was buying them in the first place because she always sent her to him in ones that were dirty or not fit to wear. (well, not always; it wasn’t always this way; in fact, one of the things I liked about her was how clean and neat she used to keep her; I think that was to impress us at the beginning or else something has deteriorated). He knew she had better because her family buys her really nice stuff; I think they just didn’t want her wearing them our way. He actually doesn’t pay the child support to her, rather to the state since she gets a check from them for what was more that what he was paying until they just did their review (that they’re supposed to do every few years) since minimum wage went up so they raised it, making it the same as what she is getting, then they brought him back in (yes, he had arrearages) and raised it again to cover that (which I don’t have a problem with in theory) since he didn’t have any tax money this year they could take for it since he didn’t work any last year (not because he didn’t want to; the work he was doing just never materialized this past year – he was doing construction – a particular type – building pole-type buildings, mainly for farmers, who mainly had been building them with all that easy bank money that dried up and he lives in a very depressed economic area that just basically has no other jobs, others are laid off, too – and yes, I know he could move but he hates to leave his daughter and he thought things would pick up this year but he has begun to realize they may not and also he did make enough when he was working he was able to save enough to live on for a year after the work dried up while he kept thinking it would pick back up.

By: Talibah Mbonisi

Talibah Mbonisi — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 13:13:25 +0000

@ Donna: No. We did not have a child support order opting instead to keep our family completely out of court and work things through ourselves. At the time I covered most of our son’s expenses. Today, because we split time equally, we don’t do child support but rather split expenses evenly in most cases. We meet on a regular basis to discuss upcoming expenses and then we either split them evenly or work out a plan for paying them based upon what each of us is able to do at that time. We have come a long way.

By: Donna

Donna — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 03:47:50 +0000

? Does your co-parent pay child support? and then still have to buy clothes, too?

By: Lisa Maria Carroll

Lisa Maria Carroll — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 18:40:09 +0000

The Waffle House parking lot? I commend you on that one. I have friends who exchange their children in parking lots and between third parties. I just would have had to be held in contempt, because I wouldn’t have gone for it.

Now as for the clothes, I feel you on that one. I never had that problem with my ex. But, I did have it when my kids spent the night with friends. Their clothes would mysteriously disappear, only to be seen on the backs of their friends later, after I’d asked the moms if they’d seen the items.

By: Talibah Mbonisi

Talibah Mbonisi — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 13:50:08 +0000

@Kathianne…Thanks for commenting! And, yes, distance and a little quiet is sometimes all we need to get the ball moving in a different direction.

By: Talibah Mbonisi

Talibah Mbonisi — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 13:49:01 +0000

@Pam Thanks so much for adding your voice to the discussion. I’m surprised we didn’t bump into each other. LOL! It is so wonderful that you and your children’s father have been able to turn things around. There are those times, days, years, forevers when it seems like things will always be the way they are, but our Waffle House redemption stories prove that things really can be different. Thanks for sharing!

By: Pam

Pam — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 13:40:03 +0000

My children’s dad and I used to prefer Waffle House for our “knock-out, drag-out, me in my pajamas (outside of his car), pleading for child support payments promised” arguments!! We traded that fun in for what was in the best interest of all four of our kids… PEACE! It came from humility and to many, many friends and family, came at a surprise… but I’m so glad it came!

By: Kathianne Williams

Kathianne Williams — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 02:00:39 +0000

Great post Talibah. Sometimes we have to distance ourselves a bit from any conflict so we can hear the “mind-shattering” central issue.