Comments on: Five Keys to Effective Co-Parenting

By: Kela

Kela — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 20:54:06 +0000

Great points, Lisa! I think often times custodial parents believe that they have the market cornered on making ALL of the final decisions for the child and that no one can do it better than we can. Personally, as a custodial parent, I welcome the input and help from my son’s father in making decisions for our son. It makes me feel better to know that he is involved because I know that our son will greatly benefit from ALL (we are both remarried now) of his parents taking an active role in his life. My problem is that I can’t get my son’s father to be as actively involved as I would like him to be. It literally baffles me to hear and witness other women, who are custodial parents, admit and even prevent the other parent from being actively involved in their child’s life. I still can’t figure out why one wouldn’t want that. It has to be for selfish reasons and when co-parenting, there’s no room to be selfish.

Again, great article!

*Kela*

By: Veronica Knox

Veronica Knox — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 18:17:45 +0000

The Five keys… are excellent rules to follow, but some of them are difficult when my ex was virtually an absentee farther three years prior to my divorce during our separation. I realize that this is not about me or my ex. It’s about our child and her emotional well being. So, I just do the right thing. I know right from wrong. I want my child to have the best possible relationship with her farther. So I put all else aside. I don’t want to be responsible for adding drama to my child’s life. Life is hard enough!

Veronica Knox

By: chanda white

chanda white — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 05:08:20 +0000

The keys work regardless if the other person is being mature, civil, or acting “right”. You hold the keys and your behavior toward insensitive actions such as not sending clothes home, will determine if co-parenting becomes even more ineffective.

One thing I would like to reiterate- never say a negative about the other parent. Why? Because that “unfit, negative, hateful, spiteful,dumd, lazy, good for nothing” parent makes us half the genetics of the child(ren) involved. Furthermore, name calling is childish, and provides no healthy contribution to the parenting process.

Bottom line is that the only actions one controls is his/her own actions and reactions to another person.

good work.

By: Lisa L. Carter

Lisa L. Carter — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 18:38:23 +0000

Interesting feedback. My perspective is only a small part of the solution. Let us hear your solutions to the different circumstances you face. Please keep it coming.

By: TaRita

TaRita — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 13:55:30 +0000

These are some interesting keys to co-parenting, and will probably work assuming that both parents get along with each other, but like Arnold stated you are assuming that we are dealing with “mature” adults. Although you can definitely be a successful parent w/out the cooperation of the other parent, I must disagree with Terrence and say that in order to effectively co-parent, there must definitely be cooperation from both parents. You can do all of these “positive” keys all day, but if you don’t have positive feedback, then these things cannot and will not work. I would like to see some keys that will work when the parents do not communicate well; when the father doesn’t send clothes back from the weekend visit; when the father doesn’t call when he’s going to be late picking up/bringing our daughter back; when it’s hard to get through to the other parent that it’s not about us anymore . . . only about our daughter! There’s only so much you can do when the other parent refuses to act mature. Be forever mindful that this is a 50yr old man that I’m referring to===not a 20 something child who may not know better??? Let’s have some tips for that–

By: Terrence

Terrence — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 19:36:54 +0000

In regards to the comments left by Arnold; I agree that some situations are beyond your control, but the message of the article is still valid. Being successful as a parent does not require the full consent and co-operation of the other parent. We all have to do the best with what we’re given, work with what we have and do the best WE can do for OUR kids. I acknowledge that the examples you raise are difficult and seemingly impossible to overcome. You can’t control the actions of others but you can continue to do the next ‘right’ thing.

By: Arnold

Arnold — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 04:26:46 +0000

I can agree with what is said in spirit to this article. The five keys are how you treat people. But I want to see something about the context of situations. The five keys are out of sync with situations people face day to day in my opinion. I stress my opinion. We are assuming we are dealing with a mature adult. People break up and cant get past the parents disagreement. For example.

1. unemployed parents either one or both
2. chosen employment. Like Strippers, Drug dealers or Police officers.
3. Drug and Alcohol abuse.
4. Prior physical abuse sexual and otherwise.
5. Youth. Teenage parents.
6. Distance (Like in my situation)

If I take longer i can find more. Circumstances make things more difficult. But it is also asking people to be more mature first and set asise selfserving motives. Focus on raising your kids. We are assuming people want to do the right thing. You are asking people to change. I dont see that in the world we live in today. Some of my friends feel helpless in regards to thier children. Because they cannot get past the disagreements that caused the break up. The five keys become null and void then, regardless of fault.

By: Timothy

Timothy — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 17:11:44 +0000

Lisa,

These are some excellent co-parenting tips. It is truly important to remember that it wasn’t one person who made the child but two. The phrase “our kids” is important. I also like the speaking positively about the other parent. The kids will pick up on this and will help create a loving family even if it is in two different locations.