MamaSpeak: 10 Lessons I’ve Learned about Co-Parenting

Sometimes, it’s valuable and enlightening to take stock of where we’ve been, how far we’ve come and what we’ve learned along the way.  I did a little stock taking recently and thought I’d share these lessons I’ve learned along this co-parenting journey.  I look forward to hearing yours.

10 Lessons I’ve Learned about Co-Parenting

• Being right doesn’t always equal winning. Sometimes our co-parenting relationship is better served by just listening and hearing my son’s father’s perspective and keeping my opinion to myself. There are times when each of us just needs to be heard.

• Saying, “I’m sorry,” doesn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. Acknowledging my mistakes sometimes goes a long way, because it gives both of us permission to be human every once in a while and it has allowed us both to let our defenses down a little.

• I don’t know everything. Once I finally started listening to my son’s father like what he said might actually matter, I found out that he has a little insight into this parenting thing.

• There is more than one way to do just about everything. And, it’s almost guaranteed that he’ll choose any way but the one I suggest. But, letting go of “my way or no way” leaves a lot more opportunities for it to just get done.

• Sharing information makes life easier for everyone. Making sure that our son’s teachers, piano instructor and soccer coach have both of our email addresses and phone numbers allows us to share responsibility in managing our son’s schedule. Then, all the work doesn’t fall solely on me.

• There’s usually a win-WIN-win solution, if we just look for it. Focusing on the solution and not just the problem is sometimes all that it takes. Of course, that usually requires being patient enough and listening intently enough to understand everyone’s concerns then putting our child at the center. It takes practice, but it’s possible.

• There is power in having even the appearance of a united front. Whether it’s disciplining our child or advocating for him at school, when we stand together (even if we’re faking it in that moment), we stand stronger and provide a more solid support for our son.

• Flexibility is a virtue. Pretty much nothing in life goes exactly according to plan. Parenting and co-parenting are no exceptions. Being flexible within boundaries makes for smoother sailing, and it can score you some credit for when you need the favor returned.

• My power lies in my ability to choose how I will respond. I may not be able to control what my son’s father will do, but I can control how I respond. When I’m running my life instead of the drama running it, I am happier, more peaceful and a much better parent.

• It’s all a work in progress. Even when it feels like nothing will ever change, there is always possibility. Building a strong co-parenting relationship is a process. I now look for progress, not perfection.

What lessons have you learned?

Talibah Mbonisi, founder of WeParent, is a Marketer by trade, a problem solver by nature and a mother by grace. She is also an unmarried co-parent navigating the path that will lead to a happy, healthy son, and a fulfilled, balanced Mama and Daddy.

Read more articles by Talibah Mbonisi