I agree with both of you when it comes to post-breakup boundaries. When the thrill was gone for me, it was gone. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for my ex. And he used that as an excuse for not coming around. I didn’t need or want post-divorce sex. But I know that had I offered it in exchange for him spending time with his children, he would have come around more.

So, while the two of you are making this journey in drive, I’m traveling in reverse. As a 41-year-old woman who was raised by a single mother, with no help from daddy, the information the two of you provide is helping me to identify and process my own issues regarding what they did and didn’t do as parents. Likewise, as a mother of adult children who refer to their father as, “Your dumb babby daddy,” I know that there’s residue there. And I don’t want them to feel like they must have an allegiance to me for making the choice to stay. Likewise, I want to respect their right to feel the way they do, knowing that he wasn’t there by choice.

And believe me, it is a process.

While everybody is different, I think in some cases the attraction fades, or it just morphs into something else. I see my ex as a platonic friend now. Or, the attraction remains, and you just don’t act on it.

That said, your question doesn’t surprise me because some “ex” couples/co-parents continue with the booty calls long after the relationship is allegedly over. However, for some of us, it’s a clean break. It was easy for me; I know for other people, it’s hard not to want to go back for a “taste” esp. if attraction/intimacy issues did not contribute to the break up.

**Why not get training that will keep families together rather than piece things together after the break up?**

Some of us aren’t as equipped as we could have/should have been to build a successful marriage, but marriages fall apart for all sorts of reasons, some of which training could not prevent. In-tact families should get all the support and resources they need to thrive, and those that are post-break-up should be equipped to do the best they can by their kids as well. I don’t believe it’s an either or proposition.

And, I agree with your point that we should support the healing of relationships when the parents are together. Of course, this isn’t that site, but I applaud and support the tremendous work being done all over that focuses on doing just that, sites like Black and Married with Children, and programs like the Program for Strong African-American Marriage are just two. But, I know that what my family needs right now is to learn how to create an environment where we can be whole and loved and powerful in our current form. My hope is that through the growth and work that Ed and I do in our parenting partnership and subsequent romantic, and perhaps marital, relationships, our son *will* be able to choose and maintain a happy-ever-after relationship with the “right” partner.

I agree that married parents could benefit from co-parenting training. Why not get training that will keep families together rather than piece things together after the break up?