Kim Millen on Thu, 17th Dec 2009 6:43 pm 



Divorces are mentally and emotionally draining for everyone involved. I’m the product of divorced parents and I remember it being extremely hard on me. I used to think that my dad would kidnap me and never return me to my mom. Couples generally forget about the turmoil that children endure when divorce is an issue. Perhaps if individuals were mature during the separation, involved children would be better off. But, should anyone be forced to live in misery? Constant arguing can also affect children. Who knows? I do, however, know that we serve a mighty good God and if we pray and put Him first in all things, we can find solace and peace in whatever decision He leads us to.

Ian Mitchell on Fri, 18th Dec 2009 9:39 am 



Why does divorce suck?

I’ve tried to focus on what I can do for my kids and how I can make sure they have as normal a childhood after the divorce as possible. I’ve tried to look at it as a road ahead and a struggle to keep the nasty things my ex tells my children or the things she does with other people, like the schools, at bay. I’ve tried to look at it as a struggle to continue to inspire my kids, to learn from them as they grow and to be a parent of them, someone they can look up to, and someone who’s there for them when they need me. … None of which are even remotely easy in divorce, especially with a hostile ex.

But perhaps some back story for a bigger picture. During my divorce, I lost 2/3′s of our family estate. I spent (to date) about $45K in legal bills on top of that. (I have no clue how much the ex has spent.) Had 1/3 of all my net pay deducted from my payroll auto-magically. I lost all but every other weekend and three short hours on Wednesday nights with my kids. I lost my family home and about 90% of the possessions within. (First visitation with my kids we watched “The Incredibles” on a blanket (no furniture) watching a 19in TV on the floor with a free DVD player I won the week before from Subway while eating hot dogs off of paper plates, the microwave and fridge came with the apartment.) I lost custody of my children which opened up a nasty can of worms where my ex tried to exclude me from participating in school activities, succeeded in alienating me from one of two child care providers, attempted to prevent me from knowing what medical services my children have had (even though that’s in the court order!) I even had to call the police to protect my visitation when my ex attempted to say “No” all because she wasn’t happy with the phone number I left her, more than once.

But I’m hopeful, ever hopeful. And the love my children have for me reinforces that hope. In the meantime, I’ll work to spread awareness, and encourage the State I’m in to bring about positive change. So that divorce or separation doesn’t become the nail in the coffin of what otherwise could be an outstanding relationship between parent and child, which happens far more often that people are willing to admit.

Divorce and separation is that Uncle that no one wants to talk about. It’s the black sheep of our society. But it’s time to show what happens. Time to show there’s better ways to do it. It is time to focus on the best interests of our children and not the best interests of our attorneys.

Thank you.

Barb Nischalke on Sat, 19th Dec 2009 12:45 pm 



At Keeping Families Connected we see the aftermath of ugly divorces every day. The lives that are destroyed, the hurt that never goes away and the pain of having to rebuild lives. People involved in divorces that turn ugly often forget about everything but themselves. They become bitter, controlling and vindictive people who will do anything to destroy the person that they are getting a divorce from. The end result when children are involved is Parental Alienation – the “ultimate” hate crime. Parental Alienation happens to 1 in 4 children going through a divorce. It is emotional child abuse and needs to be stopped.

Children should be kept out of a divorce as much as possible. You should put your feelings aside for the sake of your children and be a grown up. Just because you don’t love and want to be with the person you married doesn’t mean that your child shouldn’t love that person. In fact they need the love of both parents even more during a time of separation and divorce.

As adults we need to stop the insanity and grow up for the sake of our children. Shared parenting is essential for the mental and emotional health of your child. Promote it every chance you get. Encourage your child to have a healthy relationship with the other parent. Involve the other parent as much as possible in the decisions and day to day life of your child. Most of all put your child first.

For more information about Parental Alienation and to see if you or your spouse might be alienating your child, take our quiz “Am I an Alienating Parent? at http://www.keepingfamiliesconnected.org/ParentalAlienation/Quiz.html

Barb & Rick Nischalke
Founders, Keeping Families Connected

Talibah Mbonisi on Sun, 20th Dec 2009 3:49 pm 



@Kim: You are so right that too many of us don’t truly take the impact on our children into consideration. And, at the end of the day, the fact is, our children will be impacted. But, if we can handle a difficult split with the constant commitment not to exacerbate that impact, maybe our kids will be better off in the long run.

@Ian: It’s clear you, and certainly your children, have experienced a great deal as a result of divorce. But, your perspective and commitment to trying to keep their feelings central to your efforts to steady things for them is inspiring. Thank you for sharing so openly.

@Barb: Thanks for sharing this resource.

MommaClark on Thu, 18th Feb 2010 8:38 pm 



Divorce sucks because when two people no longer love each other the only person truly hurt is the kids, shuffled around, used as a pawn, used as a weapon, children don’t have much of a voice and usually doesn’t matter, and that is without talking about what happens in a “good divorce”… seperate homes, income, expenses, and the list is so flipping long! My husband and I both come from divorced homes, and been in previous relationships (he took my son as his own), and is why we will go to hell and back to make sure our marriage works! I’m always willing to learn new things, keep things alive, and do what is best for our children so they don’t end up broken… hard considering we didn’t have much to actually learn from at home, and I hit up the parenting books at local library, done therapy, and we simply work hard to keep things together at home!

Talibah Mbonisi on Thu, 18th Feb 2010 9:30 pm 



@MommaClark: Thanks so much for commenting. The contest is over, but your words are inspiring nonetheless. It is really wonderful that you and your husband have been able to take the challenges of your own childhoods and previous relationships and turn them into inspiration and education to guide you in your marriage and parenting. Truly inspiring. Thank you for sharing!

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