Real Families: Meet My Co-Parent, Part 3

This is Part 3 of a 4-part interview with my very own co-parent, Ed Banuel.  In Part 1, he talked about how we became co-parents, how having an absent father impacted him and our challenges as co-parents.  In Part 2, he shared his thoughts about growing as a father and dating as a single, co-parenting dad.  And, in this third installment, he talks about me…

Talibah: So where would you say that where have you seen the biggest growth in me as your parenting partner?

Ed: Listening and not trying to control everything. You can’t control everything, and just because things don’t always go as expected, doesn’t mean that we are failures. We just are constantly evolving and learning something new that will ultimately help us in our parenting relationship.

Because no matter what, there’s going to be times when we won’t agree, and we need to step away and revisit the conversation again; think about what we’re trying to communicate. Think about what the other person is trying to say and really step away and come back to discuss it at a later time,because at that particular time, we may not be seeing eye to eye.

We may be really heated and upset. That’s just human nature. We will have outbursts. We will have blowups. But it’s just about how we manage those blowups, minimize them and really do more communicating than arguing. I feel like we definitely have come a long way with that.

My advice to other co-parents: It happens. It’s the reality. Even if you were in the same household with that person…it happens. People argue. People have disagreements, but it’s about how you handle those arguments and disagreements and the lesson that you learned from it. You can beg to differ with a person and still be respectful towards them.

Talibah: Um…I think you just went off.

Ed: Another thing, because we are two individuals, we have our own perspective on co-parenting scenarios. No person is right or wrong.

Talibah: What do you think the most important areas are for us to be on the same page about when it comes to our son? You talked a lot about how we definitely have different perspectives on things, not just co-parenting…life. We’re different people. But, how important do you think it is to be on the same page about certain things, and what are they?

Ed: Respect. I think it’s important that our son doesn’t feel like one parent’s opinion is more important than the other parent’s opinion, because children will play on that. He needs to understand that he needs to have just as much respect for his mother as he has for his father and visa versa. And, when we make a decision as a united front, that’s the law. I think that’s one of the most important things.

Talibah: One of the things that I noticed about you over time was that, not just in relationships, but in other areas, too. It seems like you got to a point where you just wouldn’t argue. You wouldn’t engage in drama. And, that’s kind of been a mantra for us, I think. “We don’t do drama.”

Ed: Uh huh.

Talibah: Now we have had what I call “drama-lite” but not big drawn out theatrical stuff. But, I’m just curious whether that’s accurate. Is that part of your philosophy of how to deal in relationships?

Ed: I agree. I don’t like drama. I try to stay away from it. Personally, I like talking through any issues and dealing with it head on versus letting it linger and blow up because there’s no need to have a bunch of drama. There’s no need. Drama, all it does is tear the relationship apart. And I’ve seen relationships go from being lovey-dovey one minute to non-existent because of drama.

I think I’m at the point now where I feel like life is way too short. We can disagree with each other but yet have respect for each other and try to work through it without drama. And, I think that’s one of the things I’m very proud about in our relationship. I may get on your nerves; you may get on my nerves, but we have figured out a way to communicate with each other to hear each other’s point, not make the other person feel like they’re getting the short end of the stick…and then move forward.

Read Part 1
Read Part 2

Talibah Mbonisi, founder of WeParent, is a Marketer by trade, a problem solver by nature and a mother by grace. She is also an unmarried co-parent navigating the path that will lead to a happy, healthy son, and a fulfilled, balanced Mama and Daddy.

Read more articles by Talibah Mbonisi