Staying Close to Your Kids…from a Distance

Our family uses a pretty evenly split parenting time schedule to ensure that our son spends time with both parents on a weekly basis and that we both have hands-on intimate involvement in all aspects of his life.  So, we both get to spend time with him regularly.  Still, when he’s away from me, the truth is, I miss him and I want him to know that even when we’re apart, I’m still loving him.

I imagine that I’m not the only one, so here are a few suggestions for maintaining a connection with your children while you’re away from them:

• Use a mix of scheduled and spontaneous contact. Scheduled contact should be agreed upon by both parents.  It should be at regular times and be convenient for everyone involved.  You might be missing your child, but you aren’t doing him, her or your co-parent any favors by disrupting breakfast, dinner or bedtime.  So, work this out up front.  Similarly, spontaneous contact is nice, but, again, work with your co-parent to ensure that your calls are not disruptive or too frequent.

• Go online with email and internet-based tools for connecting. Be sure to teach your children online safety.  And, you may want to consider using a tool specifically to keep families connected.

• Give your children their own phone line. Two kid-centric cell phone companies we’re aware of are Firefly and Kajeet.  If you go with this option, be prepared to establish rules on acceptable cell phone use and to teach your children cell-iquette and safety.  And, ideally, get buy-in from your co-parent.  If you and your child’s other parent don’t communicate or consistently have high-conflict contact, this may be a great option.

• Schedule an off-time date. If you are apart from your children for extended periods, consider a periodic dinner or a coffee…well, orange juice, date to break things up.  Coordination with your child’s other parent is key, as is adhering strictly to agreed upon pick-up and drop-off times.

• Keep a “Thinking About You” journal. Don’t just think about your children, write a note, paste photos, add newspaper clippings…whatever helps you chronicle and illustrate just how much you’re thinking about them.  During their next stay with you, share.

• Create a letter writing kit…for both of you. Purchase a notebook, a keepsake box, stickers, colored pencils, etc. and teach your children the lost art of letter writing.  You’ll not only create a special activity that just the two of you share, you’ll both collect wonderful keepsakes to go along with the memories.

• Give your child a personalized gift that s/he can touch, feel and/or hear on a daily basis to remind them that you care. Some options might be: a locket, special box, stuffed animal or just a specially framed photo of the two of you.

These are just a few options, but there are so many more.  Be creative, allow your children to inspire you and take the lead in staying connected.  Our children need to be reminded that even when we’re apart, our hearts and minds remain with them.

WeParent is a community of parents and parent advisers striving to give our children one of the keys to a happy, healthy and fulfilled life…strong families. We are on a mission to support and uplift African-American mothers and fathers, like us, who are living apart but parenting TOGETHER.

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