Giveaway: Sade “Soldier of Love” CD–3 Winners

Love is in the air, and we are thrilled to be celebrating it by giving away Sade’s new Soldier of Love CD to three lucky WeParent readers. It’s hard to believe that the last time the group released an album, Lovers Rock, was a decade ago, It’s really hard to believe when you see frontwoman, Sade, who looks untouched by time.

The album hits stores on February 9^th. And, while we’re excited about the entire release, because we care so much about co-parenting and parenting, we can’t wait to check out the track, “Babyfather,” “about how great it is to be a parent, what a great honor and privilege that is, and what a terrible thing that is to waste,” frontwoman Sade Adu recently told PEOPLE. “As long as you feel good about yourself, you can be a good parent, and then it becomes an endless fruitful cycle,” she says. We second that emotion!  We couldn’t get our hands on that one, but check out the video for “Soldier of Love” below:

So, like we said, we’re giving 3 copies of this long-anticipated release away. The deadline for entries is 11:59pm EST on Saturday, February 20th. Winners must have a U.S. address.  We’ll announce winners here and on “Co-Parenting Matters” on Sunday, February 21st.  Here’s how to enter to win one of 3 Soldier of Love CDs:

Mandatory (You have to do this one to qualify for additional chances):

• Leave us a comment saying why you want to win. Include your favorite Sade song, if you have one.

And, here are a few ways to increase your chances. (Be sure to leave a comment here letting us know that you’ve done these.):

• Join our mailing list.
• Become a fan of WeParent on Facebook.
• Follow WeParent on Twitter.
• Become a member of our online community, WeParentConnect.

That’s five chances to win, so don’t miss out! Winners must have a U.S. address.

Mediation 101: An Interview with Gene A. Johnson, Jr., Pt. 2

This is Part 2 of our extensive interview with Gene A. Johnson, Jr., also know as, “The Mediator”, who provided us with a basic lesson about mediation. There was so much goodness in the conversation, that we’ve broken this one into a 4-parter, so be sure to read Part 1, too.  You can also check out our “Mediation 101″ episode of “Co-Parenting Matters” to hear Gene talk more about mediation.

WP: So, I want to clarify a couple of things you talked about.  I thought it was interesting when you said that in some divorce cases, there may be 2 mediators for gender balance.

Gene: As mediators, we pride ourselves on being impartial and neutral, so a well-established and effective mediator would probably tell you that it doesn’t matter what their gender is.  But, that’s a choice and an option the party has.  Going back and comparing this to litigation, you know you can’t pick your judge. In mediation, you can select your mediator.

WP: Can you give us a sense of what percentage of cases actually do get resolved via mediation versus a court order?

Gene:  It really depends on your jurisdiction.  So for example, in California, I believe almost all family cases when you go to court, they don’t even allow you to see a judge before going through some mediation or mediation-like process.

WP: Got it.

Gene: But in other jurisdictions, mediation may not be offered or may be offered as an afterthought.  So it varies from jurisdiction to jurisdiction.  I can say though that studies have shown that when a case does go to mediation, somewhere along the lines of somewhere between 70-80% of those cases do come to some sort of resolution and agreement.

And, if you reach an agreement in mediation, this is a benefit of mediation, the compliance rate is extremely high.  You’re looking at nearly a 90% compliance rate because this is what parties have agreed to on their own will.  No one has forced this agreement on them, so they are more likely to comply with it.

WP: We talked previously about situations where one party may have an attorney and the other may not.  But what about issues like the financial ability of one parent to sustain a mediation forever versus the other parent.  Are there ways that mediators are trained to insure that the process does come to closure?  And how does a parent who doesn’t have a lot of money to go on and on in this process insure that the power imbalance isn’t impacting or forcing them or putting them under duress to sign an agreement that they really aren’t fully bought into?

Gene: Right.  Power dynamic…this is a huge topic.  Mediators have entire 3-day and 4-day conferences around this subject, because it is very important.  First let me say that it is not a mediator’s job to balance power.  Once a mediator takes on a role of balancing power, he or she is no longer neutral and no longer impartial.  Because now I’m taking sides, and I’m trying to make sure that this person is not getting the short end of the stick or what have you.

That being said, in every relationship and every encounter, there is a power imbalance.  No two people enter into any negotiation on the same footing.  Like you said, one may have more money, one may have more resources, whatever the reason, there is hardly ever equal footing of power.

That’s okay, though. because that’s how we make decisions.  When we make a decision, we base it on that.  We base it on what we have and the dynamics in a relationship, etc.

WP: Right.

Gene: That being said, it is a mediator’s job to make sure that no one is using this process unfairly or not negotiating in good faith…and I put that in quotations.  So if the mediator feels that someone is using this process to get at another person or just to wear the other person down, then the mediator can find him or herself in an ethical situation where they may have to stop the mediation or determine if that the case is not appropriate for mediation, because a party is not negotiating in good faith.

For the most part, this plays out in cases of domestic violence.  In domestic violence, there’s a huge power imbalance and one party is usually coerced either by fear, intimidation or concern about their safety, so they are willing to agree to almost anything.  In those scenarios, that case should be screened out of mediation.

Cases where there is domestic violence in a relationship should not be referred to mediation.  In mediation, we feel as long as a person can freely negotiate without fear of  harm or safety, they are not coerced into anything as well as they are making an informed decision, they have all the information they need, then that case is appropriate for mediation.

WP: Got you.  What other examples of situations are there where mediation may not be a viable solution for parents?

Gene: Mediation may not be a viable solution, once again, if there is a domestic violence situation.  Mediation, obviously, will not be appropriate if one person does not want to go to mediation.  So those two things, other than that, I think mediation can work in almost any other scenario.

Even in scenarios where you may think you’ve decided on all of the parenting arrangements and all of the custody and limitations, everything except for the month of July, because maybe the father wants the child to spend the month of July with him.  You can go to mediation just to resolve that one issue, and all the other issues can be decided in litigation in court.

I think mediation allows that flexibility, so where you may think mediation may not be appropriate for all issues, there may be one or two issues that you can work out in mediation.

WP: So does that mean that for parents who, for example, want to modify orders at some point, years after or months after there’s been a court order, mediation is a potentially good option for addressing that.

Gene: Mediation definitely may be a good option for addressing that sort of thing; although, I don’t want to overstep my boundaries and give mediators more power than they have in terms of overturning a court order or a court decision.  So what I would recommend is that if you go to mediation and you want to amend an agreement, that’s fine, but make sure you go to your lawyer or to court and go through the proper channels of doing so.

In some jurisdictions, it’s okay to come up with mediated agreement then present it to the court and say okay, this is how we want to amend our parenting plan.  You really need to check with your jurisdiction in terms of how that process is done, but I believe that mediation could definitely be an option.

Read Part 1 of this interview

Listen to our discussion with Gene on “Co-Parenting Matters”

Co-Parenting Matters This Week: Happy Parents…Happy Kids!

“…I accept full responsibility for my life and my choices — I sing no victim songs.

I willfully participate in the world using my voice to empower myself and others.”

Okay, if ever there was a credo to live by, Yvonne Bynoe’s is it.  The above is an excerpt from Yvonne’s credo, the guiding principle for her life and for the lives that she helps other women realize for themselves.

Yvonne, an author and a mom, founded Sophisticated Woman and Mama to “to assist Gen-X working mothers who want to end their work/life struggle. Instead of trying to balance their various roles I encourage them to first define their beliefs and values. This step helps working women to make decisions that are aligned with their individual versions of professional and family success. My philosophy is that women who continue to develop themselves bring more clarity to their roles as mothers, partners and professionals.”

We are so excited to have Yvonne join us on the Sunday, February 14th* “Co-Parenting Matters” show, “Happy Parents, Happy Kids.” On the show, we’ll talk about the importance of all co-parents healing and empowering themselves in the wake of a break up, and in particular, Yvonne will discuss her mission to“revolutionize motherhood” so that all women have “the courage to create a life and a motherhood experience that they passionately love.”

As always, “Co-Parenting Matters” airs 9:30 – 11 PM EST on BlogTalk Radio.

On the show, we’ll announce the winners of a special offer that Yvonne is making available to CoParenting101.org and WeParent.com readers!  One winner from each site will win a COMPLIMENTARY Working Moms Startup Coaching Session with Yvonne. The session will include:

• The “Where Are You” Questions
  - a meaningful inquiry into your life and aspirations.
• A thirty-minute laser coaching discussion

In your session with Yvonne, you can:

• Chart a course to accomplishing a specific goal
• Design the framework for your ideal life – maximizing the things that bring you joy and fulfillment and reducing the draining “shoulds.”
• Create strategies to overcome limiting beliefs.

Yvonne will help you see what’s possible – and laser in on the best course of action for you based on your interests, values and intentions. Yvonne says, “Working Moms Startup sessions could result in a new decision for your life, inspire a make-over, generate a new business idea, or expose your inner critic…stay open to the possibilities.”

If you are ready to create your ideal life, or know a mother who is, don’t miss this valuable opportunity!  Here’s how to enter  in 2 easy steps:

(1) Email us at info AT weparent DOT com nominating yourself or another working mom for the complimentary start up session, then LEAVE A COMMENT HERE telling us you’ve submitted the nomination. Explain why you (she) should win the session, and how it can make a difference in your (her) life.

Then…

(2) Send a short email to Yvonne AT Sophisticatedwomanandmama DOT com containing the same info as in (1).

(3) Yvonne will choose one winner from each site.

(4) Winners will be announced during “Happy Parents, Happy Kids.”

Enter today and get one step closer to a happier you…which means, a happier kid!

*“Co-Parenting Matters” will take a brief break from the airwaves on Super Bowl Sunday February 7th…for the obvious reasons.

Black History Month Giveaway: Family Passes to “Let Your Motto Be Resistance”

Let your motto be resistance!  Resistance!  RESISTANCE!
No oppressed people have ever secured their liberty without resistance.
–Abolitionist Henry Highland Garnet, 1843

Resistance has been a critical theme throughout the history of Black families in this country.  It has taken many forms.  For some, survival by itself was an act of resistance.  For others, it looked like fighting back…or not fighting back.  And, for many, it was the commitment to celebrating our history and culture even when the cost was torture or death.

At WeParent, we believe that building strong, healthy, effective co-parenting relationships is an act of resistance against the forces that pull our children away from us–as much as it is an act of love.  Through our commitment to partnering in parenting, we give our children the foundation they need to stand strong in this world.  And, to us, raising strong, happy, powerful Black children is a revolultionary act all by itself.  So, we’re all about resistance through a co-parenting revolution.

On January 30, 2010, the Atlanta History Center will celebrate the opening of a new exhibition, Let Your Motto Be Resistance:  African-American Portraits which runs through April 25th. Let Your Motto Be Resistance is the first of four exhibitions being present as part of the Center’s Civil War to Civil Rights series.  The exhibit, inspired by the call to action of nineteenth century political activist and Underground Railroad conductor, Henry Highland Garnet, uses portraits of well-known African-Americans from the Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery to trace 150 years of U.S. history.  These powerful images celebrate the diverse ways that African-Americans creatively and courageously redefined the history of this country through struggle, accomodation and resistance.

As part of our celebration of Black History Month, we’re partnering with the Atlanta History Center to give away family passes to Let Your Motto Be Resistance to four lucky WeParent readers.  Passes are good for free admission for 2 adults and up to 4 children (a $74 value.)  We’ll choose a new winner each week during the month of February.  So, if you don’t win this week, your entry is still in the hat for the next one.  Winners will be announced every Sunday during Black History Month and notified via email.  Here’s how to enter:

MANDATORY:

• Leave a comment here either suggesting a way for parents to celebrate Black History Month with their children, telling us how you’re planning to celebrate with yours or just sharing a few words about an historic figure who inspires you.

OPTIONAL:

• Join our mailing list and leave a comment here telling us you did.
• Become a member of our online community, WeParent Connect.
• Become a fan of WeParent on Facebook and leave a comment telling us you did.

That’s 4 chances to win!  Don’t miss this opportunity to share this glimpse into African-American and U.S. history with your family.  We’ll see you there!