Upcoming Tele-discussion: Co-Parenting For the Sake of Our Boys

Please join WeParent and the Raising Him Alone Campaign for a f*r*e*e tele-conference call on Wednesday, April 13 at 8:30pm ET.  We’ll be discussing the benefits of co-parenting to raise healthy & productive boys.  Our own Talibah Mbonisi will be leading the call and sharing the WeParent mission to support parents in working out their differences so they can raise healthy boys who will become men.

Often the issues between parents prevent boys from growing up in an optimal home environment. Whether it’s decisions about religion, extra-curricular activities, punishment & discipline parents who are on the “same page” increase the success of their sons.

WeParent is one of the Raising Him Alone southern based strategic partners.

Be sure to RSVP here.

605.475.4000 (8:30 p.m. EST)
Participant pin 324970#

Please submit questions for the call via email at info@raisinghimalone.com.

Co-Parent Meetups Coming to a Location Near You!

When WeParent first launched we tried to start a local Meetup…#FAIL.  But, fortunately, our friends at CoParenting101.org have inspired us to try again…and to encourage you to get involved, too!  They’ve sent out a call for people interested in organizing or attending a co-parent meetup in your area.  We’re supporting this effort in a couple of ways:

• We’re going to organize an Atlanta-area meetup, so stay tuned for details.
• We’ll post meetups on WeParent.com on our Events page, our newsletter, our Facebook page and Twitter to keep you updated.  So make sure you’re following us.
• If you’re interested in hosting or attending, you can fill out the short form below, and we’ll get it to Deesha and Mike at CoParenting101.

“Co-Parenting Matters” Anniversary Giveaway: Step-Dating & Blended Family Package!

Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW wears many hats.  Among them: she’s a stepmom; founder and co-director of The Step and Blended Family Institute; founder of the Stepdating* Teleconference series; a Certified Stepfamily Coach and Counselor with The Stepfamily Foundation; a Featured Coach with Blended-Families.com; and a Licensed Relationship Coach with the Relationship Coaching Institute.  She’s also a Friend of “Co-Parenting Matters”, and to celebrate the show’s 1st anniversary, she’s generously donated a package ideal for a step-dating couple or for those who have already begun the work of blending a family.  Here’s what Yvonne is offering to a lucky winner:

Free One-Hour Step Dating or Blended Family Phone Coaching Session

Free Recordings of the Step Dating Teleconference Series (3 in total)
Stepdating I – Major Myths and Critical Questions
Stepdating II – How to Nurture Your Couple Relationship
Stepdating III – Couples with Adult Children

Free Resources to Accompany the Step Dating Series, including Full Reports

Enter to win this wonderful gift from Yvonne for yourself or for a co-parent, single parent, or blended family member in your life by leaving a comment below telling us your biggest challenge and biggest joy related to step-dating or blending families.

We’ll announce the winner, selected randomly from all the entries, on our Co-Parenting Matters anniversary show this Sunday, October 24^th. The show airs at 9pm EST, and you can listen via phone at (646)378-0580 or from your computer atwww.blogtalkradio.com/coparentingmatters.

On Sunday’s show, you’ll hear from many Friends of Co-Parenting Matters, and from special guests whom we’ve deemed Co-Parenting Heroes, including Magda & Doug, co-parents and co-founders of When the Flames Go Up; and Molly, founder of Postcards from a Peaceful Divorce. We look forward to talking with them about the joys and challenges of co-parenting, and we hope you’ll join the conversation as well!

And, if you want to find out more about the other great gifts we’re giving away, be sure to keep checking the ever-expanding list here!

*What’s step-dating? It’s dating with kids in the mix.

“Co-Parenting Matters” Anniversary Book Giveaway: “The Look of Love” by Jill Egizii

This Sunday on Co-Parenting Matters, we’re giving away a copy of Jill Egizii‘s novel, The Look of Love, the story of a mother alienated from her children after a bitter divorce and the devastating effects it can have on the children who are impacted. Whether you are dealing with this issue personally or not, this is a story that will move you.

Jill is a potent advocate for parental alienation awareness. Through her activism and her novel, The Look of Love, Jill works to raise awareness of parental alienation and the devastating impact it can have on children and parents. Jill serves as an Alderman in the city of Leland Grove and as a member of the Illinois Family Law Study Committee established to revamp state divorce law. She is also a board member of Children Need Both Parents, a not-for-profit organization emphasizing shared parenting, and the Parental Alienation Awareness Organization (PAAO) which is dedicated to educating people about parental alienation.  To learn more about Jill, the book and parental alienation, you can check out the  “Understanding Parental Alienation” episode on which Jill was our guest.

And, to win a copy of The Look of Love, just leave a comment telling us the title of one of your favorite stories about family.

We’ll announce the winner, selected randomly from all the entries, on our Co-Parenting Matters anniversary show this Sunday, October 24th. The show airs at 9pm EST, and you can listen via phone at (646)378-0580 or from your computer at www.blogtalkradio.com/coparentingmatters.

On Sunday’s show, you’ll hear from many Friends of Co-Parenting Matters, and from special guests whom we’ve deemed Co-Parenting Heroes, including Magda & Doug, co-parents and co-founders of When the Flames Go Up; and Molly, founder of Postcards from a Peaceful Divorce. We look forward to talking with them about the joys and challenges of co-parenting, and we hope you’ll join the conversation as well!

And, if you want to find out more about the other great gifts we’re giving away, be sure to keep checking the ever-expanding list here.

Co-Parenting Matters Anniversary Book Giveaway: “Mother to Son” by Kim Crouch

Kimberley “Kim” Crouch, attorney/publisher/author/radio show host/money motivation manager and mother, has been a supporter of Co-Parenting Matters from the beginning. You may remember Kim from just a few of weeks ago on our ”Financial Tips for Single Parents” show when she joined us with her “The Millionaire Journey” blog co-founder, Lisa Maria Carroll.

We are thrilled to be giving away a copy of her book, Mother To Son: Words of Wisdom, Inspiration and Hope for Today’s Young African-American Men, a wonderful collection of letters penned for her sons and for ours.

Enter to win a copy of Mother to Son by leaving a comment below telling us one important thing every mother should teach her son.

We’ll announce the winner on our Co-Parenting Matters anniversary show this Sunday, October 24^th.  The show airs at 9pm EST, and you can listen via phone at (646)378-0580 or from your computer at www.blogtalkradio.com/coparentingmatters.

Co-Parenting Matters Anniversary Giveaway: SingleDad Coaching Sessions

Our good friend, RJ Jaramillo, founder of SingleDad.com and master of so many things related to being a happy and successful single parent, is giving away an awesome anniversary gift for one of our single dad listeners.  Check out the wonderful video card he sent us to find out more about this Co-Parenting Matters anniversary gift.

So, one lucky listener is going to win THREE (3) 1-hour SingleDad live video coaching sessions with RJ Jaramillo.  You’ll get to choose from the “Cook Like a Dad Series” or the “Single Parent Coaching Classes.”  Whether it’s whipping up some kid-friendly meals or starting over as a single dad, RJ has a wealth of wisdom, experience and coaching expertise to help you be successful.

So enter to win this generous gift from RJ for yourself or for a great dad in your life by leaving a comment below telling us a piece of great advice you’ve gotten from a special Dad in your life.

We’ll announce the winner, selected randomly from all the entries, on our Co-Parenting Matters anniversary show this Sunday, October 24^th.  The show airs at 9pm EST, and you can listen via phone at (646)378-0580 or from your computer at www.blogtalkradio.com/coparentingmatters.

Co-Parenting Messages in the Music: Saigon’s Fatherhood

We’re not sure how we missed this one, but it’s never too late to celebrate Black fatherhood or a hip hop single that breaks Daddy love down so you feel the power coming through YouTube.  And, even though Saigon isn’t really talking about co-parenting in this testament to his love for his baby girl and commitment to be the best father he can, we’re loving these lyrics:

And it might sound a little bit cliche
But I’m lovin’ you even more each day
And even tho’ me and your mother don’t click
If it’ll benefit you, I’ll do whatever she say

Now, we’re not saying that coparenting equals doing what Mama says, but we’re loving this father for talking about making it work, despite conflict, for the sake of his beautiful daughter.

Thanks to StreetPositive.com for posting this on their Million Father March page where we found it.  And thanks, Saigon, for this tribute to fatherhood and for inspiring us to ask:

What other songs should we feature that talk about Black fatherhood, motherhood and/or talk about co-parenting issues (the good, the bad and the ugly)?

One Million Fathers March their Kids to School

All over the country, fathers, grandfathers, big brothers and other men who care are descending upon America’s schools with their children on the first day of school.  The Million Father March has become a powerful day on which fathers demonstrate their commitment to their children, their families, and their communities through their massive presence at school.

The Black Star Project, in partnership with local community organizations, sponsors the Million Father March on the first-day-of-school in hundreds of cities across the United States and internationally. An estimated 600,000 men in 475 cities participated last year and the number is expected to grow this year.

Research shows that children whose fathers take an active role in their educational lives earn better grades, score higher on tests, enjoy school more and are more likely to graduate from high school and attend college. Additionally, children have fewer behavior problems when fathers listen to and talk with them regularly and are active in their lives. A good father is part of a good parenting team and is critical to creating a strong family structure. Strong family structures produce children who are more academically proficient, socially developed and self-assured. Such children become adults who are valuable assets to their communities.

Participants in the event include fathers, grandfathers, foster fathers, stepfathers, uncles, cousins, big brothers, significant male caregivers and friends of the family. Although this event was created by African-American fathers, women and men of all ethnicities are invited to march their children to school on their first day and to continue to be engaged powerful forces in the academic success of our children.

Contact the Black Star Project at (773)285-9600 or blackstar1000 AT ameritech DOT net for more information on the Million Father March and to find out how you can participate or organize an event in your area.

The Million Father March Pledge for Fathers and Men

I will take my children or a child to school and I will be at a school on the first day to encourage all children to do their best every day at school.

I am responsible for the education of my child.

I will volunteer at my child’s school three times this school year.

I will pick up my child’s progress report or grade report when required.

I will meet with my child’s teachers at least two times this year and support them in educating my child.

I will teach my child the value of family as well as the value of education.

I will mentor my child or a child and I will teach children the values of education and family as well as the value of life.

I will work with my child’s mother or guardian to achieve the best academic and social outcomes for my child even if I do not live with my child.

Co-Parenting Conflict from the Mouth of Babes:
Interview with Kara Bishop of Postcards from Splitsville

Months ago we had the opportunity to interview Kara Bishop, founder of  Postcards from Splitsville, a site that allows children of divorce to anonymously and creatively post their thoughts and feelings online.  We’re finally sharing it with you!

WP: Tell us a little bit about what you do and how you got involved in working in this area around kids.

Kara: I started dating a man who was divorced.  He had young children.  When the kids got a little older and were able to understand things, the ex-wife started letting information slip about how the marriage ended, why the marriage ended, adult information that these little kids really didn’t need to know about.

The 2 older children actually pulled away from the father, the younger one still needed the father’s affection; he was 10 at the time.  After he visited, he would go home and they would call him a traitor and try to convince him to not go anymore.  This this poor kid was just torn in half literally. He couldn’t stop loving his dad.  It just wasn’t possible.  But he didn’t want to betray his mom and the other members of his family.

The child and I were close, and we worked on a little book of promises for parents to make.  It got me really interested in what was going on.

I took the book to Dr. Frank Williams who runs a program here in Tucson called Children of Divorce.  It’s this fantastic 8-week program that kids and parents go through to help them cope.  I got involved with that, and I started working with the 10-12 year olds and was able to create some of the exercises for the class.

And…I’m a huge fan of postsecret.com.  Have you ever heard of that?

WP: I have, yes.

Kara: It’s just a site, very similar to mine, except it’s secrets that adults send in.  I thought we should do something like this for the kids, because one of the exercises we do is, if we can’t cope with something, we either let it go or write it on a piece of paper and burn it or something like that.

So, I thought let’s try this postcard thing, and the kids loved it.  The first couple of times that I did it, I was just shocked at how amazingly in touch with themselves these 10-12 year olds were as far as expressing themselves about how upset they were.

Oh, and I actually met Frank Warren [founder of postsecret.com] and got his blessing.

WP: That was very respectful of you to do that.

Kara: I tell people this is a site for kids to vent their feelings and then come and see that other kids have the same issues.  But really, I think at this point that it’s more for adults, so they can see the pain that their kids go through.

WP: It was really eye opening and impactful as an adult to see the creative expression of what they are feeling, so I can see how this becomes a site for adults.  I can definitely see that.

Kara: The letters that I get aren’t from kids.  They are from adults saying, “Oh, my God, I’ve actually heard these words from my kids and I never really understood.”  For example I get a lot of comments from parents about having said they wish they’d never met their ex, in front of their kids.  They say, “I’ve said that and now I just feel horrible.”

WP: I guess that the translation for a kid is, “You wish I didn’t exist.”

Kara: Right, and they don’t get that, yes, you don’t mean it, but that’s what the kid hears.

WP: When we are careless in how we communicate about the experience of a relationship ending and about the other parent, kids are going to fill in the gaps.  They are going to translate it.  They are going to make it meaningful in a way that they understand.  And in their world, a lot of times that’s scary.

Kara: Or the other effect that I’ve seen, too, is kids that are scared to death of being fired from their family because they have seen another parent fired.

You think the kids don’t know…and they probably don’t understand a lot.  But they try to understand in their own way, and they end up making up something that’s just so much more horrible than the truth.

WP: Let’s talk a little bit about the impact of divorce on children particularly when parents aren’t really handling the conflict well.  What have you seen in the work that you’ve been doing with children of divorce and through Postcards from Splitsville?

Kara: Well, the kids that I work with come to us within months of the divorce.  The impact, wow, it’s almost always devastating.

What I see that makes me upset the most is that a lot of the kids feel there is one person to blame for the divorce.  I think they do that, because somebody has to be the blame…and thank God it’s not them.  Very few of our kids these days think it’s their fault any more.  That used to be a huge issue when we first started, but now it’s not.

And, the whole needing to figure out why this is happening and then placing the blame on someone, I think is really hard on them; because it interferes with the relationship that they had prior to the divorce with one of the parents or both sometimes.

It just rocks their world.  These kids need a sense of stability, and all of a sudden, the most stable thing in their family, whether there was a lot of fighting or not, is caput. It’s broken.  And, it often involves the disappearance of one parent, and mostly it’s the father.

WP: Right.

Kara: And that changes a little here and there, because more fathers have custody of their kids now.  But mostly it’s still the mother.

I’ve seen how these fathers are just set aside, not every single one, of course, right, but it’s almost as if that was an extra piece in our life that we really didn’t need, like that third car or something.

WP: Like an extra appendage?  I wonder if sometimes fathers don’t see themselves that way, too.

Kara: I think they do.  For example, if the marriage ended because of an infidelity on his part,  the guilt there can be immense, and he might feel he doesn’t deserve the children because of what he did.  But, that’s where I would say, okay, but the kid still needs you.

Whatever you did wrong, you can still give love and support, and your child needs that to grow, needs that second set of love, the second opinion, the whole second part.

I think there needs to be a more intense education on how to raise your kids in this unique situation that people just wing.  They wing it, and they don’t understand how devastating almost every word can be.  These kids latch onto one sentence, and that’s the sentence that defines everything for them.

WP: How can an outlet like Postcards from Splitsville help?

Kara: Well again, I created it as a vent for the kids.  But the benefit is really for parents…just to make them stop and think and maybe put that anger in check, because your kids is listening and affected by it.

WP: Thank you for the work you’re doing and for sharing it with our WeParent family.

To learn more, browse postcards or download a postcard for a child to submit, visit www.postcardsfromsplitsville.com.

The Message is Clear: African-American Children Need Us

Thirty-five percent of African-American children live in poverty.  This means that more than 1 out of every 3 African-American children live with what research has confirmed is the single greatest threat to their well-being. Poverty can impede children’s ability to learn and contribute to social, emotional, and behavioral problems. Poverty can also contribute to poor health and mental health.

The statistics paint a grim picture of the havoc poverty is wreaking on the youth in our community:  approximately 50 percent of African-American children drop out of school; African-American females account for approximately 70 percent of all teenage pregnancies; between 2002 and 2007, the number of homicides involving black male juveniles as victims grew by 31 percent and as perpetrators by 43 percent.  Clearly, our children are suffering and desperately need our HELP!

We’re a community in crisis. If we’re to reverse these frightening trends, African-American adults must step up our game and come together to rally around our youth. We must be honest about the truth behind the quantitative data: too many broken families; an alarming number of absent fathers; far too many uneducated, low-wage earning single-mothers trying to lead families with limited financial, emotional, and social resources. Simply put, the story behind the numbers is that too many of our children are failing at life because of poor leadership in their lives and homes. Our children are failing because far too often they live in families that are barely surviving, let alone thriving.

As dire as the situation appears, all is not lost. There is plenty that we can all do, individually and collectively, to turn things around for our youth and our community as a whole. While there are a lot of intellectuals and social scientists sitting in think tanks pondering this issue, there are sages who’ve come before and shared their wisdom as guidance on what we can do:

“Be the change you want to see in the world” -Ghandi

Start with ourselves. Set high standards and expectations of our own efforts and ability. Accept no less from ourselves than we’d like to see from others: value education, hard work and strong families. Hold our own children to high standards of academic and behavioral performance. Work at being healthy, loving and committed romantic and life partners and hold our partners to the same standards. A rising tide lifts all  boats; allow ourselves and our families to be part of a rising tide.

“An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

In addition to focusing on lifting ourselves and families, consider what we can do to directly impact the lives of others. Our communities are full of nonprofit and community-based organizations that always need help building and strengthening their operational and fiscal infrastructure and serving their clients. Call a few who serve causes you care about and offer your time, talent and treasure. You would be surprised at the huge impact it would make on both you and the organization.

“Now is the accepted time, not tomorrow, not some more convenient season. It is today that our best work can be done and not some future day or future year…” – W.E.B. DuBois

Act now! Decide today to make a slightly bigger difference in the lives of those you love and your community than you did yesterday. Add an extra hug or “I love you” when interacting with loved ones; add a “hello” to the casual smile you offer the stranger you pass on the street; offer to volunteer 2 hours of your time to a small nonprofit or tutoring or mentoring program; donate a small amount of money to help improve the fiscal health of a community based organization serving the less fortunate. There are many, many things that we all can do NOW, TODAY, that cost us very little but mean so much.

Each of us must look around and take note of how much our youth need us; and then decide what small thing we will do today to make a difference.  Our children are screaming for HELP! Do we hear them?

Next Page »