Let me start by saying God has a funny way of placing your anointing in front of you to remind you of the work still before you. I was in the beauty salon tonight waiting for my daughter to get her hair done. Second, let me say that by no means it was this the first time I’d sat and waited on a woman to finish something I had no interest in; getting hair done, shopping, talking on the phone. A good man will do it, but besides that, it’s my deposit for hoping for her to wait while I do something she’s not interested in; walking aimlessly through Best Buy or Home Depot; watching the game or talking about sports or video games; or on occasion my work; etc. etc. etc.

I’m always intrigued by the conversation that takes place when a bunch of women are talking. And as luck or fortune would have it, I was the only man in the salon. At times they were conscious of my presence, and at times they could care less that I was there. I am also a people watcher. Not in the weird perverted sense, just someone who is fascinated by human interaction and finds sport in imagining the life stories of the people I see. So, being in a salon with women and children, absent men to add a masculine presence, it was particularly interesting to see the various methods of discipline. Everything from yelling and screaming to the drag-off to the bathroom for the proverbial tighten-up!

As a Dad, I couldn’t help to realize and reflect for a moment that my 10-year-old daughter was experiencing something that will be a life-long ritual–going to the salon to get her hair done (did).  Along with several other observations, I could also sense that fathers in the lives of those children and good men in the lives of those women were a distant reality. It became overwhelmingly real for me when the little girl of a Mom, who spent the vast majority of her time yelling at this child, sat next to me and asked, “Are you my Daddy?” Stunned and overtaken, it took everything I had in me not to cry.  I could see the missing image of her father in her eyes. At 3-4 years old, she was already trying to fill it. Here I was, Mr. Responsible Fatherhood, and I had NO answer for her…and tragically enough neither did her mom.

As I stated before, what a way for God to remind me how critical my work has become. Statistically I know, anecdotally I know, clinically I know, but this child forced me to know on a whole different Godly level. In essence she was saying to me, “I don’t know who my daddy is, so what are you going to do about it?” And as she went back to play with the other kids, she left me perplexed and dazed. I had to stop the work I was doing, and as I watched her mother rise from the dryer, visuals told me a story that gave me little hope that this little girl would ever know who her daddy is.

To be honest, I am at a loss for words. Nothing gives me solace tonight that she will ever fill the hole in her soul created by a father who has left this beautiful Black child wondering and searching for a man who will probably never exist for her. Yet she will spend the rest of her life looking, hoping and possibly praying that the next man she asks, will respond by saying, “YES!”

Related posts:

1. Fatherhood Freestyle: My Story….Not My Father’s
2. Fatherhood Freestyle: Not Your Average Baby Daddy, Part I
3. Fatherhood Freestyle: Mother-Love Makes a Man

Please join WeParent and the Raising Him Alone Campaign for a f*r*e*e tele-conference call on Wednesday, April 13 at 8:30pm ET.  We’ll be discussing the benefits of co-parenting to raise healthy & productive boys.  Our own Talibah Mbonisi will be leading the call and sharing the WeParent mission to support parents in working out their differences so they can raise healthy boys who will become men.

Often the issues between parents prevent boys from growing up in an optimal home environment. Whether it’s decisions about religion, extra-curricular activities, punishment & discipline parents who are on the “same page” increase the success of their sons.

WeParent is one of the Raising Him Alone southern based strategic partners.

Be sure to RSVP here.

605.475.4000 (8:30 p.m. EST)
Participant pin 324970#

Please submit questions for the call via email at info@raisinghimalone.com.

Related posts:

1. Co-Parenting Matters This Week: Parental Alienation–A Family’s Heartbreak
2. Tonight on Co-Parenting Matters: Raising Him Alone…Single Mothers Raising Sons
3. MamaSpeak: Is Co-Parenting Really Worth All the Effort?

Half of all children in the U.S. will have a stepparent at some point in their lifetime; 90% of children in stepfamilies live with their mother and stepfather. And yet stepdads seem to be the silent majority in the online stepparent conversation. On this week’s “Co-Parenting Matters” show, we give stepdads the spotlight. Our guests will include Ron Deal, the author of The Smart Stepdad, licensed marriage and family therapist and licensed professional counselor, who is the founder of Successful Stepfamilies. Ron will be “joining” us via pre-recorded interview. And we’ll talk to some of the stepfathers in our lives. We hope you’ll tune in on Sunday, April 10th at 9:30 PM EST, and be sure to tell a stepdad you know(or someone who loves him!) to join us too!

Courtesy of Ron and his publisher, we’ll be giving away 2 copies of The Smart Stepdad on the show. Entering the giveaway is easy: Leave a comment here or tweet us @weparent or @coparentingshow, telling us about your stepfathering experience or about a stepdad you love. From the entrants, we’ll choose 2 winners and announce them during the show.

We look forward to celebrating stepdads!

Tune in this Sunday, April 10th, at 9:30pm ET.  Listen via phone at (646)378-0580 or check out the live stream at www.blogtalkradio.com/CoParentingMatters.

Related posts:

1. Co-Parenting Matters Book Giveaway: Sugar Milk by Ron Mattocks
2. This Week on Co-Parenting Matters: From Ex to Next…Dating after Break-up or Divorce
3. “Co-Parenting Matters” Anniversary Giveaway: Step-Dating & Blended Family Package!

This week on Co-Parenting Matters we’re talking heavy stuff…making sure your children are protected in the case that the unthinkable should happen to you.  We don’t like to think about the possibility of our not being here for our kids, but our guest, Steve Worrall, a lawyer, dad and founder of the blog, Georgia Family Law, is going to tell us why we have to.  And, he’ll guide us through the considerations we need to make and the steps we need to take to create the peace of mind that our children and families will be taken care of whether we’re here to do it or not.

And, to get two of you started on the path to peace of mind, Steve is generously giving away a Georgia Family Treasures Planning Session ($750 value) and a free guardianship nomination or other discount off of planning  ($250 value) (Georgia residents only).  And, he’s sharing a copy of Wear Clean Underwear:  A Fast, Fun, Friendly—And Essential–Guide to Legal Planning for Busy Parents.  As usual, winners will be announced during the show.

There are a few ways to enter to win:

1. Tweet about this show. Make sure to @coparentingshow, @coparenting101, or @weparent.

2. Like Us on Facebook and post about the show. Be sure to tag WeParent or CoParenting101 (to tag us on a post, type @WeParent, e.g..  If you are our Friend on FB, we’ll appear in a drop-down list that will be auto-generated when you begin typing).  This will notify us of your posting, and we’ll enter you in the drawing.

3.  Join our mailing list.  Leave a comment here letting us know that you’ve done it.

And, of course, be sure to listen to the show, this Sunday, March 20^th at 9:30pm ET.  You can listen via phone at (646)378-0580 or catch the live stream at www.blogtalkradio.com/CoParentingMatters.

Related posts:

1. Co-Parenting After Coming Out…This Week on Co-Parenting Matters
2. “Co-Parenting Teens” on the Next “Co-Parenting Matters” Show
3. Co-Parenting Myths & Misconceptions

This Sunday on Co-Parenting Matters we’ll talk about the challenges of father absence and father re-involvement with the children from whom they have been estranged. Our guests are, Tonia Grady, whose GradyGirl productions created the documentary short film, Man Up, a documentary short film exploring many of the facets of father absence in an intense effort to show the magnitude of this social epidemic, and David Miller, co-founder of the Raising Him Alone campaign and ChangingFatherhood.com. We’ll discuss the impact of father absenteeism on children, families and communities, and explore strategies for addressing this issue at the community level and one family at a time.

Join in the discussion this Sunday, March 6, at 9:30pm by calling into (646)378-0580 or following the live stream and chat room conversation on BlogTalkRadio.

Related posts:

1. Co-Parenting Matters This Week: Back-to-School Co-Parenting Tips
2. This Week on Co-Parenting Matters: From Ex to Next…Dating after Break-up or Divorce
3. Co-Parenting Matters This Week: Parental Alienation–A Family’s Heartbreak

This post originally appeared on The Black Bar.

Historically, the role of Black men and fathers has been minimized by mainstream media and marginalized by society. Media assaults on the images of Black fathers have been well documented over the last 25 years. While several television examples of responsible manhood and Black fatherhood can be cited, including Sanford and Son, Good Times,The Jeffersons, The Cosby Show, Roc, The Bernie Mac Show andEverybody Loves Chris, the vast majority of images depicting Black fathers are devoid of any social or political responsibility as well as allegiance to our families.

Television shows like The Game, produced by actor Kelsey Grammer who starred in Frasier, continue a long legacy of portraying Black men as irresponsible and incapable of maintaining healthy relationships. The fallacy of shows like The Game is they fail to provide balanced perspectives of Black family life and culture. While The Game is merely entertainment to most, it continues to perpetuate destructive images about Black life and culture. Several parallels can be made to Zip Coon, a caricature that emanated from the Antebellum South. Zip Coon, an exaggerated figure, was created to depict Black men as lazy, easily frightened, chronically idle, inarticulate and unable to reason or comprehend.

The Game, which was thankfully canned by the CW Network, was subsequently picked up by BET as a result of millions of fans displaying outrage over its cancellation. Sadly, The Game debuted on Jan. 11, 2011, with more than seven million viewers glued to the tube. It saddens me that so many people – undoubtedly most of them African-American – got so outraged over the cancellation of a stereotypical television show when, by contrast, I bet if you go to any PTA meeting at virtually any school in this country you’d be hard pressed to find many African-American parents in attendance.

While the media plays a large role in shaping public discourse, our daily actions as men and fathers must be questioned. Indeed, we cannot be absolved of our culpability in some of the problems we face. According to a report disseminated by the National Fatherhood Initiative, the federal government spends about $100 billion annually on programs, policies and services related to absent fathers. The report, “$100 Billion Dollar Man,” is a glaring indictment of father absence and the toll it has on the larger family.

A growing segment of the population has become accustomed to not recognizing Black men and fathers as husbands, caregivers, and sober, responsible and spiritually guided men who are courageous pillars of their communities.

At some point, reclaiming the essence of responsible fatherhood in our community must become an agenda item. In fact, I argue some point is now! If the current trends continue, the alarming rates of violence and high-school dropouts among Black men will continue to plague low-income communities. It doesn’t take rocket science or an advanced degree from Harvard, Yale or Princeton to see the effects of absent fathers on the emotional, physical and spiritual essence of Black boys…

Read the rest HERE

Related posts:

1. Fatherhood Freestyle: Are You My Daddy?
2. Fatherhood Freestyle: Speak Up on WeParent.com
3. Fatherhood Freestyle: Fathers, Be Good to Your Daughters

Visit the Pittsburgh Co-Parent Meetup Facebook page for details on this meeting scheduled for March 5, 2011, 7pm.  Don’t miss this opportunity to meet Deesha and Mike, co-founders of CoParenting101.org!

To find out how to get your co-parenting meetup listed, fill out a short form here or visit CoParenting101.org.

Related posts:

1. Co-Parenting Meetup: Fairfield County, CT
2. Co-Parent Meetups Coming to a Location Near You!

I can’t count the number of times a frustrated parent has lamented to me, “You can’t be a co-parent, if the other parent won’t.”  Yeah.  I feel you.  And, really, I get it.  It’s a reasonable perspective.

But, it’s only one perspective.

There’s another that asserts that who you are and what you do doesn’t have to be contingent upon what anyone else is doing or being.

Yeah, maybe I can’t actively co-parent (the verb) without someone with whom to do it.  But, does that mean I can’t be a co-parent (the noun)…just without a partner?  Call me crazy, but I think it’s possible.  (Whatchu talkin’ ‘bout, Willis?)

It’s all about who you say you are; What you’re committed to; who you’re willing to be for the sake of your children…and your integrity.

See, for me, a co-parenting is kind of like a religion…and I strive to be a faithful follower…a devoted co-parent.  It frames how I choose to be in this world, in my relationship with my child’s other parent.  It isn’t relative, my sense of myself as a co-parent, because I stand committed to it regardless.

There are many times when I fall short.  I’m no co-parenting saint.  In fact, I admit to being a backslider.  But, there is a force larger than me, greater than any co-parenting sin I might commit—my love for my child—that gives me the strength to forgive my transgressions, to stand and step forward again believing that the journey will be worth it in the end.

When my son’s father fails to follow one or all of the Co-Parenting Commandments, it doesn’t change the fact that I have chosen to be a believer and to adhere to the tenets of my faith.  It does not mean that it is acceptable for me to treat him as anything less than a parent of my child; one who is human, and fallible, perhaps even a non-believer…and who despite it all, is loved steadfastly and unconditionally by our child.

See, for me, co-parenting is all about what I believe in, what I choose to be committed to, what I will stand for even in the face of apparent impossibility.  And defining myself as a co-parent is all about who I choose to be.  It’s a state of mind; a way of thinking about myself and my child’s father that guides me in being the best parent I can be for our son–independently of what his father may or may not be doing or being in any given moment.

It’s also a commitment.  A beacon of light that illuminates the steps to take along a sometimes treacherous path.  A lighthouse that stands unmoved by the ebbs and flows of my co-parenting relationship, pulling me back on course when I have lost my way.

Sure, I have crises of faith.  Welcome to the human condition.  Whether it’s faith a higher power, in ourselves, or in humanity, doubt will creep into the cracks, leading us to wonder if it’s really worth it, if our faith-guided actions really make a difference, if what we believe in really even exists.

And, the truth is, we don’t really know.  We have no guarantees.

The skeptics may be right.

Still, I remain a faithful, committed co-parent.  Amen.

Related posts:

1. MamaSpeak: 10 Lessons I’ve Learned about Co-Parenting
2. MamaSpeak: Ending My Maternal Martyrdom
3. MamaSpeak: Stop Wishing Me “Happy Father’s Day!”

To find out how to get your co-parenting meetup listed, fill out a short form here or visit CoParenting101.org.

Related posts:

1. Co-Parent Meetup: Pittsburgh, PA
2. Co-Parent Meetups Coming to a Location Near You!

When WeParent first launched we tried to start a local Meetup…#FAIL.  But, fortunately, our friends at CoParenting101.org have inspired us to try again…and to encourage you to get involved, too!  They’ve sent out a call for people interested in organizing or attending a co-parent meetup in your area.  We’re supporting this effort in a couple of ways:

• We’re going to organize an Atlanta-area meetup, so stay tuned for details.
• We’ll post meetups on WeParent.com on our Events page, our newsletter, our Facebook page and Twitter to keep you updated.  So make sure you’re following us.
• If you’re interested in hosting or attending, you can fill out the short form below, and we’ll get it to Deesha and Mike at CoParenting101.

Related posts:

1. Co-Parent Meetup: Pittsburgh, PA
2. Co-Parenting Meetup: Fairfield County, CT
3. Co-Parenting Matters: Join WeParent & CoParenting101 for our New Talk Show