“Discourage litigation. Persuade neighbors to compromise whenever you can. Point out to them how the nominal winner is often the real loser in fees, expenses, and a waste of time.”

But, his words perfectly describe our  “Co-Parenting Matters” topic for this week:  Mediation 101.

Join us this Sunday, January 24th at 9:30pm EST on “Co-Parenting Matters”, when “The Mediator”, Gene A. Johnson, Jr., educates us about mediation.  In our recent interview with him, Gene suggested that despite being a viable alternative to the option of an ugly court battle, many parents may not be aware of mediation or fully understand what it is.

Mediation 101: An Interview with Gene A. Johnson, Jr., Pt. 1

WeParent had the opportunity to chat with Gene A. Johnson, Jr., also know as, “The Mediator”, for a basic lesson about mediation.  There was so much goodness in the conversation, that we’re breaking this one into a multi-parter.  And, adding to the goodness, Gene will be our guest on “Co-Parenting Matters” this Sunday.  Feel free to leave your questions along with your comments below.  And, for now, here’s Part 1 of our interview.

WeParent: Can you talk a little bit about what mediation is generally?

Gene: Sure. Mediation basically is a process where a trained and neutral impartial person, known as a “mediator”, assists parties in communicating, understanding and clarifying their interests, whatever interest they may have. The mediation process usually is confidential as well as voluntary, so that means whatever is said in a mediation cannot be introduced in a court of law or any other administrative proceeding.

Mediation works best, I believe, because you can create your own solutions that address your own needs. We help people have a conversation. Out of that conversation, they are addressing whatever interest they may have and trying to generate movement so people are talking about their interests and not being so positional and adversarial.

WeParent: For clarification, a mediator does not represent either party.  The mediator functions as a facilitator of the conversation that gets both parties to an agreeable solution, right?

Gene: This is true. Mediators come from all different backgrounds. Some mediators are lawyers by profession or by training. Some mediators are counselors. Some mediators are psychologists. Some mediators are social workers. Although that may be what they are trained to do, once they are sitting before you as a mediator, they take off those other hats, and they are there as a mediator.

WeParent: So how is mediation different from other dispute resolution processes? There’s arbitration, there’s just going and have a judge mandate orders. What’s different about mediation?

Gene: Well mediation is different because, once again, you get to create your own solution. If you go through the court or arbitration, usually you may have 10 or 15 minutes with a judge. Then they are going to decide what is best for you in your situation, and they may or may not know you from a can a paint.

In mediation, the mediator will not impose any solutions. You will come up with your own solutions, because we believe you know what is best for your situation.

Mediation also differs because you get to communicate directly with the other party, directly with the decision maker. If you go to court, you don’t usually get to speak to the decision maker. Even though the decision maker may be the judge, usually you will go through your lawyer; and then your lawyer will talk to the judge.

It’s also very cost efficient. The matter in mediation is usually resolved a lot quicker than going to court, so there are less fees in terms of the lawyer fees, etc. Also, you are able to schedule mediations on your own time, which means that if you want to schedule a mediation on Saturday or in the evening hours, you’re not beholden to a judge and whatever court dates that are available or even not available.

WeParent: Are there other emotional benefits? What benefits are there outside of the ones that you’ve listed which are already pretty numerous?

Gene: One benefit is that although mediation usually takes up less time than going to court with motions and adjournments and etc., a mediation actually gives you more time to really talk about how you feel, which is important. Whenever you’re in a dispute, the number 1 thing that usually gets in the way of your resolving the dispute is emotions.

Most of the time, judges are not equipped to really hear how you feel. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “the facts and nothing but the facts,” because that’s what they want. Sometimes cases are more nuanced than that, and you may need to express yourself.

One of the misconceptions about going to court is that people believe they are going to have their day in court, and they are going to have this Perry Mason moment where I’m going to get up and say this and say that. The reality is that doesn’t happen. There are so many guidelines; you can only speak at certain times. Usually you don’t get to speak at all. Your lawyer does all the speaking. Everything is very rigid. Everything is very procedural.

There are some courts where even if you submit documents, the documents need to be typed a certain way or in a certain font etc. In mediation, it’s just the opposite. Mediation is very informal. You are having a conversation with the other parent trying to reach a collaborative resolution, which is important. As we all know, after your day in court, usually you will not improve that relationship. The relationship will be a lot worse because you slung mud and have gone back and forth in the adversarial process.  Mediation, which opens up communication, will seek to restore, maybe even better the relationship with your ex-partner or the co-parent.

WeParent: It seems that going to court, to a large degree, is about winning and losing. But, it sounds like mediation has a foundational philosophy that collaboration is the best solution driver.

Gene: You’re definitely correct. Court by its nature, litigating, there’s going to be a winner and a loser. You’re either going to win, or you’re going to lose. And, some would even argue if you win, you still end up losing because you spent time and effort, and you probably did not improve the relationship that you have with your co-parent.

So, mediation seeks to shift the ground a little bit so that the process is collaborative, and you don’t have this jude to prove your case to or to prove that someone else is unfit. In mediation, what we’re looking for is the best interest of the child. And you’re not going to have a judge dictate what is in the best interest of your child. You will.

The other thing is when you go to court, you roll the dice, because nothing is guaranteed. You’re putting the fate of your child in someone’s hands, and judges are human. Mediations give you more control of the process and more control of the outcome.

WeParent: I’m curious about your thoughts on why more parents don’t mediate first, or do they? Is mediation typically a higher percentage of how parents resolve disputes? It just seems like even when my son’s father and I were first splitting up, the initial advice was go to court. Nobody was yelling, go to mediation first.

Gene: That’s definitely true. I think our culture is set up where if you have any type of problem, any type of conflict, any type of disagreement, you automatically get into adversarial mode. So, mediation is often an afterthought or not even mentioned at all. All that you can do when you’re in the situation is think about how can I get even with this person? How can I stick it to this person?

By doing that, you totally forget about the child. You totally forget about what’s in your best interest. Sometimes just because this person did some things that you may not agree with, that doesn’t mean that you cannot work together in a collaborative fashion. Particularly when you have child involved, it’s probably in both your best interests for you to get along and not be so adversarial.

The other thing is that mediation is a relatively new profession. It has been around possibly 40, no more than 50 years, so it’s new. So a lot of people are not aware of what mediation is and not aware of what a mediator does. They may confuse it with counseling. They may think of it as, “Oh, I don’t want to go to that touchy feely thing.” So a lot of people are not away and just have little knowledge of what mediation actually is.

Read Part 2 of this interview.

Check out our interview with Gene on “Co-Parenting Matters”.

Contact Gene A. Johnson, Jr., “The Mediator”, directly on LinkedIn, Twitter or Facebook or email him at GAJohnsonjr AT gmail DOT com.

MamaSpeak: Too Much Unfinished Business

For most people Thanksgiving is a day to enjoy food, fun and family. But this year, a day that brougt one Florida family together also ripped it apart when a relative shot and killed his sister, an aunt and a 6-year-old cousin after thanksgiving dinner. Relatives say that as he walked away, r turned and said, “I have been waiting 20 years to do this.”

I don’t know what made this man kill there generations of his own flesh and blood, nor do I know what he had held onto for 20 years before he snapped. But I do know that this man’s story is not an original script. No, I have never survived a family ambush. But, I have had a front-row seat at family events where relatives showed up with anger and resentment in tow from some past transgression, only to isolate themselves and sulk instead of mingling and having a good time.

The wounds of childhood can take a lifetime to heal, if ever. And left unchecked, these feelings of resentment begin to fester and cause one to distance themselves not only physically, but also emotionally. Some say time heals all wounds. But I say time heals nothing. This gunman is proof that unfinished business doesn’t heal itself. I’ve also witnessed it in my own family.

My parents grew up in the same Mississippi town. Their families were close, and for the most part everyone got along. But with 23 children between them, there were bound to be conflicts from time-to-time. And although they’re not quite the Capulets and Montagues, there is some ongoing bitterness between between them that should have been dealt with and buried a long time ago. But it’s like the elephant in the room that no one is willing to sink their teeth into to start a healing process. If not for them, for their children.

As a child of divorce, my mind was polluted with information about why my father left and how my mother’s family drove him away. I heard things from aunts and uncles that should have been labeled “For Grown Folks Only.” I didn’t care about it then or now, because those are their issues, not mine.

When I found myself going through a divorce, any issues I had with my ex-husband or his family were dealt with directly, and not by way of the children. It wasn’t always easy for me to not bash him, even in truth sometimes. But I took the high road, choosing to keep our problems between us.

My ex played more of a victim role than me. His way of dealing with me was in much the same way that my folks dealt with each other, through the kids. Although I don’t believe he acted maliciously, that doesn’t alter the long-term effects it could potentially have.

My children will deal with the divorce as an adult differently than they did as children. I can already see how they are processing it through a different lens. An adult lens. My prayer is that they know that we did the best that we could with what we knew how to do, even if we fell short. And if they have any resentment, we don’t have to let this go on for 20 years. Let’s finish that business now, so we can come together in peace and harmony.

WeParent Wednesday: Speak Your Mind!

What are the biggest challenges during the holidays for you as a single parent, co-parent or step-parent?

Battling Over Bitty Briefs…Ah, Co-Parenting

I remember the bad old days of kid-exchanges in friendly locations like the Waffle House parking lot. We’d start off with cordial greetings, but before long, we’d find our way into the downward spiraling discussion of what clothes I had packed. I often felt attacked, because what I had packed either didn’t meet his metro-Dad standards, or I’d forgotten some important item…like drawers.

The feelings I experienced in these situations were no different than the feelings I was having about the entire relationship. I felt like I was carrying more of the responsibility for caring for our child materially than I should have to. I felt unappreciated given that I was the one providing the clothes, caring for our child most of the time and then being expected to remember every little thing. I felt burdened by his apparent dependence on me. I felt pissed, because I rarely got all the gear back. And, I felt powerless to make him do anything differently including stopping by WalMart to buy a $10 shorts set or pack of socks. So, yes, we would argue about bitty briefs right there in the Waffle House parking lot.

Despite hating this frustrating and petty drama, still, for a long time, I would continue to pack the clothes and then complain about it to him and anyone else who would listen. And, subversively, I admit, I would purposely neglect to pack the tighty whities– which inevitably would lead to the very Waffle House incidents I claimed I wanted to avoid.

Then, after a good bit of self-reflection, I realized something mind-shattering and central to the changes I started to make in my response to this problem: My son’s father absolutely loooooves our son, and he will not allow our child to go hungry, naked or homeless. Somehow, he will make a way.

And, with that, I began the process of firing myself his self-appointed manager and started creating some boundaries around what I would be responsible for and what I wouldn’t.

Over time, I stopped sending clothes. When he would argue, I would calmly explain (while focusing on keeping my smile genuine and not taunting): “I can’t run my household smoothly without clothes. So, to make sure that I’m able to take good care of our child while he’s with me, I’m going to need to keep the clothing I’ve purchased here. And, I know you’re a great father and that you’ll make sure he’s taken care of at your house, too. It will make it easier for him knowing that he has the clothes he needs and likes at both places, and neither of us will have to worry about where things are.”

That was it.

At first he was pissed. I imagine it seemed that I was making some sort of power play. But, I remained consistent and soon after, our son had a brand new wardrobe courtesy of Daddy. Every once in a while, he would still ask me to send something over, and I did. It wasn’t always smooth, mostly because I would accuse him of holding a soccer uniform hostage only to find out that it was actually still in my hamper…but I’ll let him write that post.

Eventually, after some practicing, we’ve come to a point where the only clothes either of us sends to the other’s house are the ones on our child’s back. We have agreed upon a budget for this Fall/Winter clothing and plan to make that trip together taking great care to send an equal number of little boy briefs to each home. I can only imagine how our son suffered in those Waffle House parking lots (He now prefers to eat at IHOP) and what a difference our willingness to fight for a win-win-win solution has made in his life. It has certainly improved mine.

I want to tell you that there’s no guarantee that your child’s parent will grow into the parenting partner you want if you just focus on what you can do and make peace with what and whom you can’t control . But, I also want to tell you that it is so possible. I have experienced it in my own life, and I have witnessed transformation in relationships significantly more shattered than my own.

For me, the key was getting myself out of feeling victimized and stepping into my power where I could make choices and establish boundaries that left me standing without tearing down my son’s father. In that place, I find peace, even when we have conflict. That peace allows me to be a better partner, which invites him to do the same. And, most of the time, he accepts.

Co-Parenting Conflict is a Chronic Condition

When I first started on this WeParent journey, long before the site ever launched, I thought that effective co-parenting meant that there was never any drama, that through hard work, self-development, lots of prayer and meditation, you could transcend all that. I guess it was my version of the two-household white picket-fence fantasy.

And, so, I embarked on a long, enlightening quest for my best self, the one who would be the uber-parenting partner; the co-parenting supershero who could rise above the petty and not so petty to emerge ever peaceful, understanding and yet powerful. All the helplessness, victiminess, frustration, anger and resignation would all be behind me. I was taking this mission seriously.

And, I was setting myself up for failure and a whole lot of tears, because every time something came up that thwarted my pretty picture of co-parenting bliss, I found myself in the exact place I was trying to escape in the first place. My desire to transcend conflict, i.e., never experience it just wasn’t realistic.

Thus began the new quest to just minimize it, contain it, manage it and get over it as quickly as possible for the sake of my child and my own well being. Thank goodness, because just a couple weeks ago, my newfound super powers were tested.

My son’s father and I have come a long way in our partnership. Just how far was clear to me at our most recent planning meeting to finalize our son’s schedule for the year. It was a great meeting! I felt fully immersed in the very vision I had crafted of what a perfect meeting would feel like. We were making decisions together. We were discussing rather than arguing when we disagreed. He was actually looking at a calendar and using the online tool I’d been begging him to use for years. We were both on the same page, fully committed. It was all good. We had overcome!

But, just a week later, he called, frustrated and suggesting that we consider changing the schedule. The one he was proposing would involve more switches for our son and less extended parenting time for each of us. As soon as he even broached the subject of changing a schedule we just pinky-swore on and communicated to our son days earlier, a visceral response overtook my body. Seriously. I wanted to cry. Every story I had told myself about him being uncommitted to this process and being undependable and being immature…all those stories came back from the archives where I had put them to rest in exchange for stories about his being a loving father, an engaged parent and a steady partner. And, I wanted to fight. I wanted to prove my point, to make him see how wrong he was, what a bad parent he was. All of that was in me. And, in the tension we created in those few minutes, it was clearly there for him, too.

But, we have come too far to go all the way back there. It has taken too much. We both prefer the partner that we’ve found to the more-difficult-to-deal with caricatures we were parenting with before.

So, we acknowledged that we should resume the conversation later. And, during that brief time of retreat to our own corners, we each got to choose who we were going to be in this relationship. We chose partners. That meant that instead of dismissing his proposal, I committed to staying open to revisiting the schedule and not making him wrong for having an opinion different than my own. And, for him, it meant standing by the decision we made together long enough to effectively assess how it was working, not just for himself, but most important, for our son.

Based upon the last several check-ins, everyone is really happy with the schedule. But that isn’t the point. The moral of this story is that as we allow the conflict in our co-parenting relationships to guide us in growing ourselves, we may find that the conflict lessens. But, it doesn’t go away. It really is a chronic condition. If you chose to walk this journey, that’s part of the deal.

So, our mission is to get better at managing it and to deny it permission to run our families and our lives. In every moment of every conflict, each of us has a choice about who we will be, how we will respond and what really matters to us.

Being right about the schedule didn’t matter as much as knowing that my son’s father and I could have a conversation that would result in the best outcome for our child.

So, your turn…When have you found yourself in conflict with your child’s other parent and what choice did you make?

SingleDad’s 3 Top Tips for Communicating with Your Ex

Thanks to RJ of SingleDad.com for permission to post this article.

This past month, I have received several requests regarding Single Parent dating Advice. One of them caught my immediate attention, and it read something like this:

“I am dating a SingleDad and he communicates with his ex-wife too much, how do I stop him?”

I was interested in getting the rest of the story, so I made contact with the member to elaborate on what was going on in this relationship. For the sake of everyone’s privacy in this story, I’m going to call the girlfriend Mary, the single dad Mike, and the ex-wife Nancy.

So Mary’s telling me that she has been dating Mike for over two years now and she feels that her relationship is pretty committed and that Mike and she have the “two home exchange” going on pretty well. This is something where the Single Parent couple will stay at the other person’s house for the weekend and “exchange” destinations every other time when they have a “no kid” weekends. I find this romantic and it happens all the time in most Single Parent relationships. So as the relationship has grown over the two years, Mary just can’t shake the ongoing and frequent communication that Mike is having with Nancy.

I asked, “How frequent do they talk?” Mary explains, “at least 3 to 5 times a day”.  “About what?” I asked as I thought aloud. What bothers Mary is the fact that every time that Nancy calls, Mike purposely leaves the room and talks in whispers for hours to Nancy. “For hours?” I ask.

It appears that Mike will get a morning, afternoon, and an evening call from Nancy. What they talk about, nobody knows but them. What is certain is the type of behavior that Mike is showing every time Nancy calls is bothering Mary. This behavior is not sitting well with Mary for a couple of reasons. First, when Mary approached Mike about the frequency, there was immediate denial and the conversation was ended.  Nobody likes to be “called out” and maybe this is what happens when Mary inquires about Mike’s behavior. And second, maybe there is something to hide, or maybe not. What needs to be discussed is the “choice and consequence” to what’s going on between the couple and their lack of communication in their relationship. You can’t change a person’s choice; you can only let him know the consequences of their choices.

I asked Mary to write down the following advice and follow these three easy steps:

Step 1: Make sure to start this conversation with a “disclaimer”. I know this sounds funny, but most of us want to feel safe in a conversation before feeling attacked which results in taking on a defensive role. If you want results, try starting the conversation with, “I am not mad you, nobody’s right or wrong in this conversation, I just want to make sure that I am doing my part on having a discussion in the best possible way with you”… The choice is his now.  Does he feel important to change his choices? You have his attention, let’s go to the next step and see.

Step 2: Take ownership for how you feel. This sounds strange, but many times we are not “saying what we mean” under the duress of an argument. We often think we are explaining ourselves very clearly in the heat of the battle, when often, we’re not. Start a conversation this way, “Mike I am feeling uncomfortable, or I feel awkward when this happens and I don’t know how to talk about it and I need your help”… and it is best to wait, be patient for a reply instead of jumping into assumptions or interruptions. Allow Mike to “Visualize” what is going on for you as you walk him through the picture of what you see and feel.

Step 3: Give your results a realistic time frame. Most of the time, these past behaviors built up over time. And they are not going away overnight. In fact, it’s healthier to see the gradual change in a partner’s behavior than a “Cold Turkey” approach, (the rebound is much more severe).  It takes more effort to acknowledge the positive, so take a stand and show the courage with your partner that you notice even the little improvements in the relationship. Most of the time we fall into the gap of “negative reinforcement” and often talk about the glass half empty approach and point out what’s wrong instead of what’s right. Make every effort in pointing out the positive and you will see better lasting results.

I will keep you posted on their results. Please feel free to comment on this subject on our SingleDad Forum.

Allowing Room for Change

One major growth theme for me in my co-parenting relationship this past year was:  Allow room for the change you seek.  Now, the change I’m referring to is all about the change I’m seeking in the man who parents this child with me.  Typically, you’ll find me pondering self-growth and ways that my co-parenting and parenting experiences support it.  But, like most other unmarried but human mothers, I often fall into the spirit of wanting to do a little behavioral nip-tuck on a Baby Daddy now and again.

And, when that spirit hits me, I have a tendency to do one of two things.  The first is to pseudo-humbly deliver unsolicited self-help advice that I have collected from the tomes of New Age and self-help texts I’ve consumed.  The second is to skip the self-help part and to just start telling him how to do whatever it is the right way…Step. By.  Step.  OK. I get that that could be pretty annoying.  But, in my defense, the fact is that in the past he’s demonstrated some pretty clear patterns that I’m still attached to.  For example, in the olden days, many times his plans would change on a day he was supposed to have our child, and they would change at the last minute leaving me to rearrange my schedule to accommodate whatever “important” affair had suddenly come up.  It’s a simple thing, a rescheduling exercise, except for the frequency and complete lack of consideration for my own “important” affairs.  I would find myself feeling so many different ways every single time it happened.

There was the guilt from thinking that my feelings about the lack of consideration somehow meant that I didn’t want to take care of my child.  Well, frankly, there were times when I didn’t want to. At the time, I was the sole financial provider for our son and he spent most of his time with me.  Sometimes I needed a break, but the guilt was intense, nonetheless.

Then there was the anger resulting in blame, bad mouthing and not a few arguments.  But, ultimately, the worst feeling of all was helplessness; my sense of having to just accept the situation, having the value of my time and energy determined by him and not knowing whether or not I could depend on the schedule we’d set .  I hated it…feeling helpless over something so simple.  But, the emotions that a “not going to be able to…” call aroused in me were intense.

So, flash forward a couple of years, and we are on a set schedule, our time split almost evenly.  And, he is holding up his end reliably.  But, then…the call.  “…blah…blah…blah…something important…blah…blah…blah…need to reschedule.”  And, that’s all she wrote…anger, guilt, and helplessness; it all came back with the same intensity.  And, I told him about himself, what was wrong with his parenting, what was wrong with his partnering…

But, this time, he didn’t fight back.  Instead, he acknowledged my feelings then said, “I am not that man from five years ago…not even from last year.  I know I still have things to work on, but I have grown and I have changed and I have demonstrated that to you.  I need you to acknowledge it and to deal with me based upon who I am showing you I am today.”

And, I stopped fighting.  He was right.  I had determined the “truth” about him years ago—unreliable, undependable, inconsiderate, selfish.  Frankly, I guess I also had developed at least one truth about myself, as well, “I am the better parent, because I sacrifice myself for my child.”  It made dealing with his whim much easier; it allowed me to manage my own expectations and to address my feelings of guilt for wanting a Mommy respite once in a while.  They were truths that served me when I knew no other way to cope.  And, that’s fine.  But, I had neglected to leave room for growth, for the possibility that a twenty-six-year-old (his age when our son was born) could mature, could become a better father and a better parenting partner or that I might have more power than I was willing to assert.  My emotional blinders left no room for any new truths or refinement of the old ones.

But, when I finally took them off, I saw that he was right.  He damn sure wasn’t perfect, but he also wasn’t the same.  Things had actually changed a bit in the past year.  And, on several of the dimensions that mattered to me, by my standards, he was better.  The “not going to be able to…” call of today was in actuality very different from those of yore.  It was true that the tone these days was more apologetic and less presumptuous.  Perhaps it was safe to let him out of the box in which he’d been held hostage; maybe confining him to that little space wasn’t really serving me as much as I had believed.  He was different.

And, I was different. Somehow, somewhere, I had found my own power and released those feelings of helplessness.  And with his words, I recognized that some sort of co-parenting conflict post-traumatic disorder drove my response.  I remembered that I really did have choices that I had been exercising over the past year.  Sometimes my response was, “Not a problem.”  But, on other days it was more like, “Hmmmm.  That’s a tricky situation you’re in.  I already have plans…would change them if I could…What are you going to do?”  And, then, I would go paint my nails and luxuriate in the tub…guiltlessly.

So, for you…What “truths” are holding you or your child’s other parent hostage?  What change are you ready to make room for?

Collaborative Family Law Keeps You Out of Court

Yes.  We’re serious.  Maybe you’ve heard, but in case you haven’t, there is a relatively new trend in resolving family disputes called Collaborative Family Law (CFL).  Where traditional divorce litigation tends to be adversarial and focused on producing a winner and a loser, Collaborative Law is designed specifically to keep parties out of court and to reach consensus on a fair settlement.

One of the keys to the Collaborative process is that both parties and their attorneys agree not to go to court.  In fact, the attorneys agree that if either client does end up deciding to go to court, both attorneys will with withdraw requiring their clients to retain completely new representation.  This leaves clients with the option to go to court, if they determine that the process won’t work for them, but it motivates the attorneys to prevent that from happening by working toward an acceptable settlement.

Another element of CFL is the use of jointly hired neutral advisors such as financial management specialists, real estate agents, parenting/child behavior experts and divorce coaches.  While each client has the comfort of knowing that their legal rights are being protected by their individual attorneys, they also have the support of a team of experts whose role is to assess the impact of certain decisions and to propose solutions.  In a series of meetings between both parties, their attorneys and sometimes their chosen experts, clients cooperate to define an agreement that aligns with their priorities, interests, goals and needs.

But wait…there’s more.  In this cooperative framework, both parties also agree to:

• Act in their children’s best interests to minimize any negative impact that the situation could have on them.
• Be respectful to one another, stay constructive in their communication and to act in good faith.
• Disclose all relevant information to the other party and the Collaborative team, hide nothing that could be material to the negotiation and to refrain from using the other party’s mistakes against them.
• Maintain confidentiality

All this cooperation may sound a bit foreign, scary even, at a time when both parties may feel very vulnerable.  Still, practitioners suggest that likelihood of resolution extremely high through this process and that it can be shorter, less expensive and lower conflict process the traditional path.

Realistically, Collaborative Family Law may not be the answer for everyone.  Fundamentally, this process requires that both parties be more interested in and capable of trusting and working with rather than against the other party to get the results they’re seeking.  But, if you are willing and able, CFL can be an empowering and viable alternative to traditional litigation and a way to set your family up for greater co-parenting success in the future.

For more information, visit:

CollaborativeDivorce.net 
International Academy of Collaborative Professionals

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